


Guardian Angel of a Troubled Man

by dianamoth (lunaemoth)



Series: The Guardian Crow [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crows, F/M, Fix-It, Humor, Other, POV First Person, Reincarnation, Summons & Summoning Meta, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2019-09-07 09:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16851220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaemoth/pseuds/dianamoth
Summary: Reincarnating as a crow was nicer than you would think... until the Trouble Twins found the summoning scroll for the Karasu, and she failed to save Number One. Now that only Itachi was left, she would do anything to protect him... no matter how many almonds it took.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of the 1st part of this series. You have to read it to understand this, as this differs starting from the end of the first chapter of Guardian Angel of Trouble Twins.  
> In short: this is what would happen if Shisui died like in canon.
> 
> This was first published on ff.net, and I have recently decided to add my Naruto fics there too.  
> I'm french, and this isn't beta-ed. Sorry for any mistakes. Don't hesitate to send me a nice review with a correction. However, this has been edited compared to the ff.net version.

It took months for Itachi to summon me after The Hellish Night.

I spent most of this time brooding and beating myself up for being unable to prevent Shisui's death and the Uchiha Massacre. This was exactly what I was fearing when the Trouble Twins signed the contract: I had become involved, I cared for them, and yet I had failed to protect them, to help them, despite knowing what they were going to go through.

I was moping.

Yatagarasu-sama didn't approve. The Elder was wise and friendly, but he wasn't the type to coddle endlessly. If he felt like anyone needed an attitude adjustment, he was perfectly happy to lecture and admonish.

"The past can't be changed, no matter how many times you try to reinvent it in your overworked little brain. You failed. We lost a summoner. But we still have one and he needs us more than ever. He needs _your_ guidance more than ever. Stop moping. Make sure that you're ready to do whatever is necessary for him. _Do better._ "

Two simple words for a challenge which was anything but simple.

Two words who haunted me every second, echoing in my thoughts again and again as I trained and trained.

Itachi was going to summon me, sooner or later. I was the most intelligent Karasu. I was his favorite. He might be moping too, but sooner or later he would need me, and I would be ready to do better.

That's what I was repeating to myself every day to stave off my worry for Trouble Twin number two. I knew he was fine because he had summoned several other Karasu but, as days passed, I became rather annoyed with him for ignoring me for so long.

As such, when he summoned me and I didn't sense any immediate danger, my first words to him after all that time were a very rude: "Fucking finally! It took you long enough!" I looked up from the stone where I was perched and stared at him in his Akatsuki gear from top to bottom. "I don't know what to think about that new fashion statement... Give it a few years and you'll probably look dashing, once you get rid of those dark rings under your eyes. You need to sleep more. Do you at least eat properly?"

After two seconds of silence, Itachi calmly replied: "Good morning to you too, Tsukiyo-san."

"Argh! Damn you, Itachi! Stop making me feel like a fool! Do you know how much I was worried, uh? Do you?! I was so fucking worried, that's how much!" I shouted, pointing the tip of my wing at him. "So answer the question! Did you eat today?"

"Not yet."

"Do I need to hunt you something?"

"No. I have some rice balls."

"Good, then eat." When he didn't move, I insisted. " _Now_ , where I can see you."

After a few long seconds during which I was half-convinced he was going to ignore me, he sighed and retrieved the food from some inner pockets in that fancy Akatsuki cloak. When he sat down, he finally was at my eye level.

He didn't look good. It wasn't exactly a surprise, but right now it reminded me that he was barely fourteen. Fourteen, alone and traumatized. This was so messed up. It made me angry and worried and even more of a mother hen.

He was probably humoring me to get some peace, but I didn't care. I knew that all the other Karasu obeyed Itachi respectfully and wouldn't even think about ordering him around. Akatsuki couldn't be trusted about taking care of him. So if mother hen I had to be then I would be the most terrifying mother hen of them all; just watch!

"Listen, Itachi. I know it's hard. Frankly, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes because this is just a fucking mess, but here is the thing: you're not alone in this, okay? I'm here. I know everything, and I understand what you're going through. I have your back. So don't ever pull that stunt again where you stop summoning me, alright? You better summon me _at least_ once a week unless you're chakra exhausted or else I'll just be even more overbearing the rest of the time because the worry is driving me _crazy_ , okay?"

Itachi had stopped eating in the middle of my little speech. He blinked slowly.

"Okay?" I repeated, fidgeting.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Good, good." I nodded then sighed: "So much trouble."

Itachi finished his meal, subdued.

I couldn't bear it anymore. I hopped down on the ground and focused on my new jutsu. When I opened my eyes, I had a perfect view on Itachi's surprised expression (a barely there widening of his eyes). Ah! Proof of my awesomeness: I had surprised the kid!

No-one expected a summon to transform into an human, although most of them just lacked the will.

"I trained," I explained as I patted myself distractedly, to make sure I had all the right parts. "I won't fail twice. Wings are great, but there are things I can only do with hands and arms… like a hug. Want one?" When he didn't answer after a few seconds, I opened my arms. " _I_ want one. Give me a hug."

Iceman slowly relaxed and leaned towards me, as if he was expecting me to be an illusion which would disappear to a hard touch.

I hugged him a little clumsily at first, just long enough for me to remember how a hug was supposed to feel like, not too tight, just a comforting touch; not too long either or he would become uncomfortable. I withdrew, but I pet his hair, unbothered by his stare. "Don't you ever forget that I care, okay? Because I'll be really really pissed otherwise."

A soft chuckle made its way past Itachi's lips, stretching them briefly. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, until his forehead touched my shoulder. His hand grasped my wrist, gently, just to hold onto me. "You shouldn't," he breathed.

His voice was so raw with sadness and loneliness that the anger left me. Only the fondness stayed. "That's not for you to decide, Itachi. I care for you and I won't let you pull that bullshit about being killed by your brother or whatever because that's not the way for any of you to be happy and safe, and that's what you deserve, and that's what you'll get. You're going to take better care of yourself, and we're going to make this right. End of discussion."

"How?"

"First, there is a reason you called me. What was it?"

He pinched his lips. "I have to send a report to the Hokage. It has to be discreet."

"As I thought. So, I'll go to Konoha. Name one of your old comrades you trust with your secret."

"Tsukiyo, no."

"Tsukiyo, yes," I responded with a glare. "I'm not letting you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, Itachi. No self-sacrificing bullshit and all that. You're going to have support, I'm making sure of it. Give me a name or I'll choose myself."

"It's too dangerous to involve anyone."

"Then choose someone strong enough to deal with it."

We stared at each other until Itachi finally admitted his defeat and sighed: "You know there is only one person that can be."

I beamed. "Yeah!"

o

It was strange to wander around Konoha.

First, of course, there was the fact that I was walking instead of flying. That jutsu really was my masterpiece, even if I missed flying when I was in human shape.

Then, there was the fact that no matter how much I looked around, the Uchiha's symbol had disappeared.

It was wrong.

The lack of police force was noticeable. I am sure the shinobi forces did their best to compensate but how could they replace a whole clan in so little time? Danzou was a delusional idiot for thinking that cutting Konoha's left hand was good for the village.

It took me several hours to find the man I was looking for. Despite my good chakra sense, finding an elite jounin in a crowded town wasn't an easy feat. I was lucky he wasn't out on a mission, I supposed.

He was leaving a shop with a bag of groceries in one hand and a book raised in front of him in the other.

I followed him from afar. I wasn't trying to be undetectable, just discreet enough that any shinobi looking wouldn't realize what I was doing. Hatake Kakashi would barely need a few minutes to notice.

That was proven when he walked into a side alley. Here was a trap for me! I walked after him, unsurprised when I found the alley empty.

I was suddenly pushed deeper into the shadows, a blade at my throat.

"Why are you following me?" Kakashi breathed in my ear.

His Killing Intent was surrounding me in a threatening fog. It was low enough that a civilian would be shaking and a trained ninja (or animal ninja, like me) would simply be wary. I supposed my tail had been so obvious that I didn't register as a serious threat. Good.

I shivered once and leaned a hand against the wall to steady myself. "I need to speak to you," I whispered. With my free hand, I made a few signs I had memorized from Itachi's missions: 'friendly', 'intel', 'confidential'. I knew them because they had been shown to me, but I never had to make them before (wings, not hands, remember?) as such I was slow and clumsy.

"Who are you?" He asked, his KI diminishing.

"That hurts, favorite human of mine. Don't you recognize me?" I teased, feeling better without his menacing aura. "My name is Tsukiyo."

I could feel him stiffen and lean forward. I heard him sniff at my neck and stopped the smart-ass comment that was on the tip of my tongue.

"Henge?" he muttered before asking: "Is that supposed to make me trust you? I know who you are loyal to."

"That's what I want to talk to you about. He's not your enemy."

Kakashi snorted and whispered in my ear. "That sounds like a fascinating story, Tsukiyo-chan. I'm eager to hear it."

The blade at my throat withdrew. An arm gripped my waist. A second later I was dragged into a shunshin. If he wasn't holding me up, I'd have stumbled and fallen to my knees. The disorientation was even worse in an human body, it seemed.

"Stupid body flicker," I mumbled before collecting myself and looking around. We were indoors, but I couldn't say much more.

Kakashi pushed me into an empty and nondescript room, closed the door behind us and sealed it. His groceries had disappeared somewhere along the way. "Remove the henge," he ordered. There wasn't any of the humor I was familiar with. He was all business and command.

I did as he asked. Annoyed to find myself at his feet now that I had shrunk, I flew to the nearest windowsill to be a little closer to his eye level.

"It's a long, complex and very confidential story. You're not supposed to know it, but I convinced Itachi that he needed to trust someone else than the Hokage with it, so… listen carefully and don't interrupt me, or else I might cry a little if you give me the opportunity to."

Birds couldn't cry (or, trust me, I would have cried rivers from the moment I was born), but that was off topic.

Kakashi listened and never interrupted. Once I had finished, he rubbed the edge of his mask and asked: "Let's admit I believe you, what do you… what does Itachi need from me?"

"Keep an eye on Sasuke. Watch out for Danzou. And when the time comes, have Itachi's back."

"And what do I get from it?"

"You'll be the most informed individual after the Hokage. Plus, you get visits from yours truly to brighten your life! I know, I know, that's priceless."

"Maa, I don't know… I might need to take a better look at you."

I transformed back into an human and hopped toward him.

Before I could say anything, he snorted. "You move like a bird, hopping around."

I gawked at him. "Excuse me! I'm the most elegant lady you have ever seen, that's what you were trying to say, right?"

It only made him laugh harder.

I hit his forearm and let out a grunt.

Great. This cooperation was going to be fun!


	2. Chapter 2

After years of covert operations, I had gotten quite good at locating Kakashi in Konoha, and he had gotten used to me coming out of nowhere to walk by his side.

"Yo," he greeted me without looking away from his book.

"Hi," I replied, distracted. "Say, you have some knowledge of fuuinjutsu, right?"

"Why?"

"I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

"In this form. I'm stuck in this form," I hissed, glaring at him for being so slow. I glowered at the rest of the world too, just because people had clearly decided to piss me off today. It was a conspiracy!

"How did you manage that?" he asked curiously, finally glancing at me.

I grunted and looked around pointedly. It's not like I could talk freely where anyone could hear us. I made a really great human (I wondered why), and no-one suspected me when I was alone, but the Copy Ninja Kakashi talking to a woman tended to attract attention for some reason.

"I'll be there in five," he offered, looking back at his book.

"Don't make me wait or your neighbors will get noisy _again,_ and I'm certainly not in the mood to play the ditzy groupie, I'd rather peck some eyeballs," I murmured before leaving for his apartment.

Somehow, I must have convinced him of the seriousness of the situation (or of my willingness to maim his neighbors), because he was here right on time to let me inside his flat without anyone to gawk at us.

"So?" he asked.

"This is the Swirly Orange fault, for sure," I ranted. "I bet this is his petty revenge because I pissed him off — he's so touchy, I just defecated on him once or twice at most, he deserves so much worse. I felt a seal activate on my back when I took human shape after my meeting with the Hokage. I hadn't noticed anything before. Since it activated I can't use chakra, whether to change back or unsummon myself or anything else. I'm powerless. Do something, it's creeping me out!" I was gesticulating wildly. This truly freaked me out, and I had only managed to bottle up my panic until now.

Kakashi rested a hand on my shoulder, pressing down gently. "Easy. Show me."

"Of course," I muttered, immediately working on undoing my obi and yukata. I always appeared in the same clothes when I took human shape. In theory, a yukata fit most cultures and situations in this world, but it was only practical when you didn't need to put it on or remove it. I grumbled at the obi and didn't notice the way Kakashi quickly moved behind me, out of sight, when the fabric slid down and revealed some cleavage. "I need to find better clothes, this is too troublesome," I concluded when I had finally undone the obi and let the yukata pool around my elbows and waist. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kakashi eying my back. "What do you think?"

"It's a chakra restraining seal, similar to those used in ANBU or Torture and Interrogation, with some modifications."

"Like what?"

"What bothers me the most is that it's on your _skin_. It's not supposed to be applied on the skin directly, but on paper glued to the skin to remove it without risk. Seals on the skin are supposed to be for life."

I raised my hands (as much as I could, encumbered by the yukata sleeves) to the ceiling in despair. "If I'm stuck like this indefinitely, I swear to Kami I'll peck this asshole's eyeballs out. Sharingan is such a big deal that it must be some kind of delicacy, right?"

"Don't test it on me, that's all I request," Kakashi replied, deadpan. He gestured toward his bed. "Sit down. Let me find my notes on fuuinjutsu."

I complied obediently, feeling really dejected by the situation. For once, I couldn't even blame this on the Trouble Twins: Itachi had tried to convince me to stop antagonizing Tobi/Madara/Obito, but I hadn't listened. That guy pissed me off even more easily than Danzou. If there wasn't the stupid orange mask in the way, I would have clawed his face out years ago. Covering him with guano was the next best thing.

"When did he even had the occasion to put this seal on me?" I muttered. "This is creepy as fuck."

"How long do you have before you're out of chakra?" Kakashi asked as he came back from his bookcase with two scrolls in hand. He was staring at them although they weren't open until he sat behind me to study my back.

"I don't know. Itachi gave me a lot so I could reach Konoha despite any eventual setbacks, so... days." I waved a sleeve-covered hand around. "Three, maybe? Or more since I can't do anything at all with it, not even climbing walls. Wait. Do you think this seal is gonna stop me from going back?"

"It shouldn't. It only stops active use of your chakra, while the end of a summoning is passive and independent of your will."

"Oh, good."

"But it might not put an end to the seal's effectiveness, in which case you'll be stuck in human shape and without access to your chakra even when you'll go back to the Karasu's realm."

I tried to imagine that and immediately was assaulted by thousands of curious crows without any possibility to avoid them because I couldn't fly nor use chakra. What a nightmare. And then, when Itachi would summon me again, it might be in a dangerous situation, and I would be powerless to help him and defend myself. "Oh, not good. But that won't happen because you're gonna remove it, right?" I said hopefully.

"I'm no fuuinjutsu master, Tsukiyo-chan."

I turned around and pulled him forward by his vest until our faces were nearly touching. "You are the Yondaime's student and one of the smartest humans of this age. _You_ are going to solve this."

"Or what?" he murmured, his visible eye half-closed in indolence.

"Or… or nothing! Or you won't get a reward."

"And what would be my reward?" he asked, leaning closer and tilting his head so his nose brushed my cheek.

I shivered unconsciously at the contact and blinked in bewilderment. "What do you want? Almonds?"

He chuckled and moved back. I felt like I had given the wrong answer. Without looking down, he pulled on my yukata to cover my chest. It wasn't very comfortable. I adjusted my clothes.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Kakashi said casually. "I'll do my utmost to help you if you answer truthfully one question."

"Sure. I mean, if I can. Is this a trap? I'm not telling you Itachi's secrets," I warned him, squinting suspiciously.

"Nothing to do with Itachi."

"Alright then, bring it on. Let's get this over with so you can solve this, and I can claw the Swirly Asshole's face—"

"How are you so human?"

"What?" I frowned. That didn't make any sense. Kakashi knew why I was in human form. Was he getting senile or something?

"Why is your behavior so human? Why do you know so much about being human?"

"Oh." Never mind. Apparently, he was the opposite of senile. Smartest human of his age, indeed. Damn it. Couldn't he have selective stupidity or something? "You won't believe me."

"Try me."

I hesitated, bobbing my head as I thought this through. It's not like I had much choice, right? "Fine," I hissed finally. "This is my second life, I have been reincarnated as a crow, but I was human during my first life. I forgot most of the specific personal stuff but not the general cultural rules." I waited expectantly for his reaction, but there was none. He was staring at me impassively. Clearly, he didn't believe me. I pointed at his nose vindictively. "See! I told you that you wouldn't believe me! But it's the truth nonetheless, and I fulfilled my part of the deal so no going back on it! It's your turn. Rid me of this stupid seal!"

"Do you feel more crow or more human?"

I squinted. What was going on with all the hard questions? "Well… It depends, I guess. Years ago I was 60% crow, but the more I have to play mother hen for troublesome humans, the more I have to remember about being human, so I'm probably leaning toward 40% crow nowadays. But then there is the whole 'stuck into human form' drama who might push it to 25% crow… I mean, what a weird question. How am I supposed to quantify that?"

He laughed. It was a soft sound as he bent forward and pressed a fist to his mouth to stifle it. It went for so long that I had no other choice than to punch him in the shoulder (It was for his own good, your honor!). When he took the hit without reacting, I poked him insistently.

"What? Are you mocking me?! I swear to all kami that I'll demote you to 'least favorite human of mine' and go find the Sandaime and his commander if you don't stop—"

He grabbed my hand and pulled until I nearly fell into his lap. "So... your previous life, how was it?"

I squinted, suspicious. "Are you pulling my leg or do you truly believe me?"

"Maa, I believe you," he replied, tapping my chin. "It makes more sense than some other things I thought about."

"Seriously? You must have some good imagination to think about something crazier than that."

"Years of ANBU and paranoia help."

"Right," I drawled. "My life was pretty peaceful. It was a good life without troublesome people."

"So: civilian, middle class and boring."

"Fuck you! ... That's absolutely right." Our eyes met. We shared a grin.

"Does Itachi know?"

"No. He has enough to worry about. He doesn't nose around my life, contrary to a certain someone." I poked him in the chest. "What made you so curious? Did I really behave so differently than other summons?"

"Maa… Call it instinct."

"If you say so," I murmured, doubtful. But there were more important matters. "Anyway, thanks for letting me stay here! What do you have to eat? Any almonds?" I jumped on my feet and skittered toward the kitchen.

He beat me there and grabbed me by the waist to stop me from reaching the cupboard, lifting me high enough to get my feet off the ground. "Don't go around making a mess now."

"Who? Me? Never!" I stared at him with the most innocent face I could manage, trying my hand at puppy eyes while I was at it (I had observed Pakkun a few times, for strategical purposes). "So… no almonds?"

He sighed. "You and almonds… Those are highly caloric, you know?"

"But they're _good_."

"I have trail mix."

"That will do."

A few minutes later, I was sitting on a kitchen counter while Kakashi went through his scrolls on fuuinjutsu at the table. I took nuts and dried fruits from a bowl, one by one, playing with it for a while before putting it in my mouth and savoring it. No-one could accuse me of eating too fast.

I raised my bare feet in the air, swinging them distractedly. "So, by the way, how is Broody?"

"Currently? Probably cursing his jounin-sensei."

I froze with a foot up and a hazelnut on the tip of my nose. In the next second, the hazelnut was eaten, and I was leaning on Kakashi's back with my forearms resting on his shoulders. "It happened! He's finally a genin, isn't he? And you're his sensei, aren't you?"

"How did you guess?"

"Please, it's predictable," I pointed out, tilting my head and meeting his eye in a mutual side look. "Last Sharingan in town and all that. So, does he hate you a little or a lot?"

"The former for now, but give him time," Kakashi drawled as he turned back to his studies.

I laughed and went to sit next to him. "So, tell me everything I can report to Trouble. Who else has to suffer by your hand?"

"Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura."

"Poor souls, having a sensei who has no idea what to do with them."

"I planned to fatten them until they're ready to be cooked. Isn't that how it works?"

"Don't ask me: I'm not a big meat eater," I jumped to my feet and grabbed him by the hand. "Come on, let's go to the library."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't getting anywhere with those scrolls, and I need to find you something more than fairy tales to guide you on the Way of Wise Sensei," I explained with extravagant gestures. "Trouble will look at me with that disappointed stare of him if I tell him we joked about eating Broody."

"He has a disappointed expression?" Kakashi asked as he stood up without protesting.

"I'm fluent in his microexpressions, so yes actually, he does, and the guilt trip gets to me _every single time_. It's horrible!" I retraced my steps to pour the trail mix into a hidden pocket of my obi. I ignored Kakashi's judgemental stare as I nibbled on my snack on the way out of his apartment.

An hour later, in the library, I was leafing through psychology books, kneeling on the ground in (a very lazy and improper) seiza, while Kakashi was sitting at a table nearby, surrounded by fuuinjutsu nonsense.

My name was called. I hummed questioningly.

"We have company," Kakashi said.

I glanced to the side and finally noticed the three men standing between the shelves. "Oh. Hi Hokage-sama, Nara-san, Blondie-san."

The Sandaime squinted at me like he was trying to see through an illusion. "Tsukiyo-san?"

I waved my fingers and smiled before pointing to myself from top to bottom. "Don't mind the garb. I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

I hummed in answer. "Kakashi is working on it." I looked back to the book I was holding before throwing it into the growing pile by my side. "I hope you have better luck than I do, Favorite of Mine, because this is pathetic."

"What did those books do to you?" Kakashi sighed.

"They are trash. They should be burnt. I'll even do it for you if you want, to cleanse my eyes from the bullshit I read."

"I would rather you didn't," the Sandaime said, crossing his hands behind his back.

"If you insist. You could still use it as a chock, I guess."

"What do you have against them?" The unknown blond man asked as he stepped forward and looked at the pile of rubbish I had put to the side. "Those are prized books in my field."

"Are you kidding me?" I judged him silently with a side-eye. "You're in psychology? Well, let me tell you, buddy, you seriously need to revamp your research. What is that?!" I pointed at the shelves of psychology books. "Tons of bullshit about fear, torture and interrogation methods. Three measly publications about trauma, like, seriously, three?!" I shook the thin books in disgust. "And they are so wrong on so many levels! No wonder that you, shinobi, are all out of your mind! Then there is this…" I grabbed the rest of the books I had gone through and threw them in the air. "Those are your works on educational psychology and pedagogy — if that word even exists in your world. All about conditioning and intelligence tests! Basically? Worthless! How am I supposed to teach Kakashi to be a decent sensei when your education system is so far from decent that the only thing you have to offer is _conditioning_? Who do you take your children for? Pavlov dogs?!"

"Who's _Paveloffu_?" Kakashi asked curiously, mangling the foreign name.

"Irrelevant. Don't take this as an invitation to train kids like dogs, Kakashi. No. _Bad_ idea, bad sensei," I replied, pointing at him, before looking up at the man with creepy blue eyes. "Aren't you at peace now? You seriously need to review your priorities, dude! Like, _right now_."

"My name is Yamanako Inoichi, not dude," he replied with a hint of annoyance.

I perked up. "Oh, you're the mind reading clan, aren't you? You must have a private library. Is it better than this one? Tell me it is."

"… As you said, our library is _private_."

"That's fine, you can allow me to go inside, just like Kakashi did with your private ninja library, right?" I stood up gracefully, ignoring the way Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Kakashi-san _shouldn't have_ ," Inoichi grumbled before pointing out the mess at our feet, "and I don't trust you anywhere near our books considering the way you treated those."

"Those are no more than papers covered in ink and bound together. I'm doing you all a favor by sorting—" A book appeared in front of me, held out by the Sandaime who had left for a minute while I ranted. "What's that?" I accepted it and opened it distractedly. "I just want a decent book about being a sensei for a genin team, Inoichi-san. I didn't think it was too much to ask and— Oh, wait… that's not complete bullshit." I shut up to focus on the book I was leafing through. After a few seconds, I bounced toward Kakashi. "Favorite of Mine, this one is good! You might not end up being the worst sensei of all time after all! Who wrote this? I have to kiss him!" I closed the book to read the cover while Kakashi glanced over my arm. "Who is Sarutobi Hiruzen?"

Kakashi looked at me, unimpressed, and drawled: "Oh, just the Sandaime."

I blinked then spun around and bounced back toward the Hokage. I reached for his shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Bless you!"

The old man looked strangely flustered. He cleared his throat and replied: "I wrote it while I trained my own team. I hope it will be of use to you, Kakashi."

"I don't doubt it, Hokage-sama. Thank you."

"Why didn't I find it here?" I asked.

"All Hokage's works have their own shelf," Shikaku replied, speaking up for the first time. He had been staring at me from the start, probably figuring out the meaning of the universe as geniuses tended to do during their daydreaming. "Tsukiyo-san, how do you have such a decided opinion on psychology?"

"I have decided opinions on everything," I replied with a shrug. No-one needed to know that I had studied psychology in another life. I was just the spacy crow summon, nothing else to see, move along! "And it's not hard to see your priorities are wrong. Can I burn the books on psychological torture?"

"No," was the unanimous answer.

"You're no fun."

oOo

This evening, I came out of Kakashi's bathroom with one of his old yukata on, cursing the strange idea I had to give long hair to my human form. Once left out of the bun it was usually on, it stopped in the middle of my back, and it had been hell to comb. I wasn't used to the whole 'esthetic before practicality' mentality anymore. I just wanted long hair because it made the bun looked bigger and cooler! _That_ was good. The rest? Not so much. I didn't have to care about my appearance as a crow! Grooming feathers was so much easier.

Also, this yukata was annoyingly big: it fell on my hands and feet, bared my shoulders and gaped at the chest, especially when the belt loosened.

I went to sit beside Kakashi on the single bed. He was lying down with an arm behind his head, reading the Sandaime's book intently.

"Are you learning from his mistakes?"

He hummed noncommittally.

Well, I was fine with being ignored if it meant he would be a less lousy sensei: it was for the greater good. I climbed and crawled over him to snuggle in the corner between the bed and the wall. Considering how small the mattress was, I could feel Kakashi's warmth at my back. We were touching.

"Who said you could sleep here?"

"Me," I replied before yawning. "Good night." I curled up in a fetal position, trying to get used to the foreign sensation of falling asleep in this form. I managed.

In the morning, I woke up to find Kakashi in the same position I had last seen him. I blinked in wonder and poked at him. "Are you secretly undead and don't need to sleep?"

"Couldn't sleep. You snore."

"I do not!" I protested, rising on an elbow before thinking it through. "Wait, I don't when I'm a crow, but maybe I do when I'm human. Do I? Are you serious or are you teasing?"

"Does it matter? It's not like you're planning to stay in this form, do you?"

"Did you find how to remove the seal?"

"I believe so."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he stayed quiet, eyes on his book. I poked him again, just to make sure he hadn't changed into ice.

"Do you prefer to be a crow or a human?" he asked. He hadn't turned a page since I had woken up.

I sighed and threw a leg over Kakashi to climb out of the bed. "Objectively speaking, I prefer to be a crow because it's much less complicated. _They_ don't ask me existential questions," I replied as I went to the bathroom.

When I came out of it a few minutes later, Kakashi was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

I brushed my hair while I continued to answer: "But then, if I was so content with being a crow, I wouldn't spend so much time running after a troublesome summoner, playing mother-hen and going beyond the call of duty, would I?" I pushed the heavy mass of keratin over my shoulder, sat on the table and put down the comb next to me. "Everything has advantages and flaws I guess. Humanity has too many rules, social conventions, and moral norms. It gives me headaches."

Kakashi turned around to put dried mackerel and pickled vegetables on the table while the rice cooked and the miso soup heated up. He didn't meet my eyes.

"You should just kiss me instead of trying to figure out the morality of cross-species relationships, you know," I egged him on with raised eyebrows.

He looked up, his eye half-closed. "Maa, should I?"

"Oh, for Kami's sake," I sighed as I grabbed him by the belt and pulled him to me. " _Yes_."

"Are you _sure_?" he asked with just a hint of teasing. His mouth was so close that I could feel his breath through his mask.

"If you don't kiss me now," I murmured, looking up through my lashes, "I'll have to…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know, do something drastic! Like… talk to that green friend of yours, even if it costs me a earache."

"How do you know about Gai?"

I raised my chin. "I know a lot. I'm a spy you know, I spy… things… people."

"Have you been watching me, Tsukiyo-chan? Maa, I didn't take you for a stalker," he whispered, leaning on the table with a hand, his nose nearly brushing my cheek.

"I'm not! I only stalk Broody and that's for very good, not creepy reasons, thank you very much! I just… might have witnessed a thing or two from your life when I waited for you to be free for our little talks, that's all."

"Like…?"

"Like that time when you had that swimming competition in the river? Great time. Thank you so much for the view."

"Mh… I don't think you deserve that kiss. Looks like you've been a bad girl," he said as he drew back.

I tried to hold him back, but he slipped out of my grasp like the slippery bastard he was. I immediately jumped on my feet and gave chase. "Are you kidding me?!"

We probably made a comical picture turning around the table like two kids, but damn if I wasn't tempted to jump over and strangle him. I was completely lost. Had I misinterpreted his behavior? I was pretty sure I didn't. That was flirting, right, what he was doing?! For Kami's sake, humans were so complicated about this! Karasu just said so when they were interested (and I told them no, subject over)!

I stopped and threw my arms in the air. "Oh, that's it. I'm done! Whatever! You're such a—"

The next second, he was kissing me. Pushed against the wall, I grabbed his vest as he tilted my head to his satisfaction. I closed my eyes in surprise and focused on the touch of his lips and the brush of his tongue. I couldn't remember ever kissing someone, but I quickly got the hang of it and pressed back.

"You were saying?" he whispered once our lips had separated and our respirations had calmed.

I gave him an unimpressed look. "Stupid human." Not even his pretty face finally bare could make up for his terrible personality.

"Your favorite."

"Unfortunately."

His forehead touched mine. "I know how to remove your seal, but I think I should do some more research before trying."

I hummed. "How long would it take you?"

"Probably one or two days more."

"I think I can live with that," I replied, slowly smiling.

"Excellent. Now, excuse me, I'm late for a meeting with my cute little genin!"

"What? Wait, Kakashi!" Too late, he had already disappeared. I sighed and looked through the window at the cat walking along the gutter across the street. "Is it too late to change my mind? Sweet lords of destiny, why am I being haunted by such troublesome humans?"

Noise from the rice cooker was my only answer.

"The idiot left without eating breakfast…" I glanced at the food prepared for two and shrugged. "Only one thing left to do…"

Payback time!

oOo

"Honeeeey!" I screamed as shrilly as I could with those human vocal cords.

Kakashi tensed as his students turned toward me in wonder.

"Darling, you left without your breakfast. That's not reasonable, you know. Big shinobi like you need their—"

He was beside me in a second and grabbed the box I was carrying while looming over me with a creepy eye-smile. "Thank you so much, Tsukiyo-chan. You may go now."

"What? You aren't going to introduce me to your team? But I want to meet your _cute little_ genin," I protested with big puppy eyes.

"Later maybe, but we're training right now."

"Are you? Is that why the pink girl was hitting the blond boy?"

"Sakura-chan has a temper," he said in a low voice.

"Anger issues you mean?" I murmured sarcastically. "Someone should tell her that hitting the kid on the head won't make him any smarter. He isn't a soap distributor."

"Sensei?" Sakura interrupted, maybe feeling we were talking about her. "Who is your friend?"

"Hi! I'm Tsukiyo, his girlfriend. It's nice to meet you!" I announced loudly, waving and smiling brightly.

"I should have known," Kakashi sighed quietly.

"Yes, you should have," I agreed in the same way.

"Sensei has a girlfriend?" Naruto was commenting, rubbing the back of his neck in wonder.

"How?!" Sakura hissed, hiding behind her hands and probably thinking she was discreet.

"An excellent question," I commented quietly for Kakashi's benefit.

He gave me an unimpressed glance and clapped his hands to get his students' attention. "Let's not get distracted, team. You—"

"—should introduce yourselves, of course!" I finished, stepping forward.

Kakashi was going to learn not to leave me high and dry!


	3. Chapter 3

Experience had taught me to always arrive in front of paranoid shinobi, even when it forced me to circle around them. It canceled the dramatic effect of surprise, but it avoided unfortunate encounters with sharp blades.

Kisame's blade, in particular, was not a favorite of mine. Stupid chakra stealer.

I landed on a branch high enough to be out of reach of Samehada and waved a wing to greet Kisame. He was sitting near a river, on guard duty while Itachi slept against a tree. I suppose they had just gotten into a fight because it was still early in the evening and Kisame looked a little sluggish, but there was no blood or other sign of confrontation. So, a relatively easy fight for them.

"Ah. It's you," Kisame grunted, before focusing on the water.

"What's that tone supposed to mean?" I grumbled.

"I can't differentiate between you, crows, but you're the only one to do those silly wing moves."

"Excuse you, Shark Man. It's not silly! I'm being polite. Do you know what it means, politeness?" I huffed, shaking my body in indignation.

"Is that when I roast you for dinner to make you shut up?"

"There is something really wrong with you, Shark Man. In fact, there are a lot of things wrong with you, starting with your diet. So much meat isn't good for you. You need vegetables. Now, I know what you're going to say: vegetables are icky, blah blah blah, but you know, frying vegetables make them all much more palatable and—"

"Tsukiyo."

I glanced at the sleeping beauty awakening. "Ah, Itachi-kun. Did Kisame wake you up? Sorry about that, he can be so loud…"

"Wha—? You little shit! You're the one always chattering!"

"Such slander. I'm shocked, I'm hurt, I'm outraged," I said, folding a wing over my chest.

"Tsukiyo, enough," Itachi sighed, raising a graceful hand.

I dropped from my perch and landed on his forearm without missing a beat. "Did you eat your vegetables? Don't let Shark Man influence you and give you bad habits. You're still a growing boy, and—" I shut up at the short spike of killing intent Itachi aimed my way.

A slight wince indicated Itachi's regret for losing his temper. He never lost his temper, especially with me (or should I say 'even with me'?).

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Itachi replied. "Report."

I ignored him. "You're lying. You can't lie to me Itachi-kun. That's fruitless. I can annoy you all night long. I won't be the first one to yield."

"He's sick." Kisame had stood up and come nearer but stayed a respectable distance away. "He refuses to admit it, but he's sick. You're his bossy summon, aren't you? Deal with it. I'm going to hunt for dinner." He stepped into the forest.

I shouted after him: "Bring back fruits and vegetables! Sick people need vitamins! Berries, Shark Man! Find berries!"

The curses sent my way weren't worth repeating. What a potty mouth.

I turned back toward Trouble Twin and sighed. "That won't do, Itachi-kun. You need to take better care of yourself."

"I was sleeping until you arrived," Itachi replied dryly (that's my boy! Snark could cure anything).

"On the ground? In this humid and cold weather? Yes, Itachi-kun, such great conditions. Hotel worthy, really. Three stars... out of a thousand ones," I replied just as dryly. "Now, what are your symptoms?"

As Itachi made a list, my heart sank. I had no doubt that this was the start of his famous illness. Pressed by more urgent matters, I had forgotten this would be an issue.

I wouldn't let this happen. One way or another, I wasn't going to let it become terminal. Crap, that probably meant I would have to deal with Tsunade and her bad temper... but who was I kidding? I would do anything for that kid. I was in so deep.

I sighed and jumped on the ground. A few seconds later, I was in human shape and kneeling beside Itachi. "Come here," I whispered. "You need to stay warm."

"That's not necessary, Tsukiyo."

"Would you stop fighting me?" I grumbled as I pulled him into my arms. "You don't need to pretend you're an evil unemotional asshole with me, you know that."

"But Kisame…"

"... will get in line, because sick or not you can still kick his ass. And he likes you."

"... Does he?"

"He's a big softie… like… really really deep inside."

When Kisame the softie came back half an hour later, he froze as he noticed me (human-me) cuddling with his partner. "What the hell—"

"Did you get berries?" I interrupted him.

"You…?! How?! How did you become so hot?"

"Now is not the time for flirting, Blue. Berries please." I raised a hand and an eyebrow expectantly.

He stayed motionless for a moment before starting to chuckle. "Oh, I like you."

"I know, I know, breasts do wonders for the disposition of men, but let's stay focused."

Still chuckling, he came forward and crouched beside us. At my expectant face, he raised a square of fabric which he unfolded, showing a decent harvest of raspberries and blackberries.

I rewarded him with a smile. "Now, that's what I'm talking about."

oOo

I was very self-aware, so I had no qualm saying I was being an idiot when I tried to compete with Kakashi in a silent game. He was like… the Mute Scarecrow of Sarcasm while I was the Chatty Ball of Sarcasm. Silence? Totally not my forte! Just a waste of time, really.

Giving up on that silly concept, I leaned forward on my perch — Kakashi's lap, very warm, a little too firm for comfort — and pushed Kakashi's book away. When he didn't look away from it nonetheless, I ended up laying flat on his chest (should I specify I was in human form?), propping up my head with my hand. "I need a favor," I admitted after a minute of just showing up and invading his personal space.

He was lying on the grass in one of his favorite reading spots (yes, I was a stalker and I knew most of them), under a tree between the Memorial Stone and the river. With an arm under his head as a pillow, slightly propped up against the trunk, he looked so comfortable that I had invited myself without a greeting. He hadn't even blinked when I settled on his lap. He had been aware of my presence since I had changed into a human in the tree.

He hummed questioningly.

"I need to convince the Hokage to tell me where Senju Tsunade is and how to bribe her so she can help Itachi."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow but didn't react otherwise. "I fail to see how that includes me."

"I need you to help me convince the Hokage. He'll listen to you, whereas I'm just the chatty and brash summon."

"And why should I help you?"

"Because Itachi is dying. Chronic illness, deadly in five to ten years. I know you have reservations about the kid, but Sage helps me, Kakashi, I'm not losing him, not this one, not again, so just tell me what you want! I'd do anything…"

"Ok." He met my eyes for the first time, serious and calm.

I slumped in relief at his acceptance and nestled my face against his neck.

After a second of hesitation, he gently patted my back. "Now, now, why do you make me sound heartless, Tsukiyo-chan?" he teased, probably to cheer me up.

"Because you like to annoy me," I grumbled.

"Because you make it funny," he pointed out before kissing my cheek with his masked lips.

"I'm not funny," I protested, tilting my head to follow his lips for a proper kiss.

"You are hilarious, actually," he replied before pulling on his mask and giving me that kiss. It was soft and slow. It felt like a 'welcome back' and an 'I missed you' all in one. A light bite on my bottom lip at the end added an 'even if you drive me crazy' to the message.

Distracted, I needed a few seconds to remember where we were in the conversation and asked: "More than the green menace you call a friend?"

"You're in completely different categories." He straightened in a sitting position, causing me to fall back on his lap. His eyebrow tilted in a more serious expression. "Now, what's this chronic illness you were talking about?"

I huffed. "Do I look like a specialist in human biology?"

He caught my chin between his fingers and caressed my cheek with his thumb. "What are his symptoms?"

I listed them and tried to hide my worry, but he was solemn when I finished. He continued caressing my cheek and looking at me, so much so that I became self-conscious. "What?" I mumbled with an annoyed pout. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Maa," he breathed before eye-smiling. "Just thinking that Itachi is lucky to have you, that's all."

I raised my chin proudly. "Obviously. I'm a gift to humanity."

He leaned forward, his lips brushing mine as he murmured "I agree" before kissing me. This kiss was longer, more intense, like a conquest and a declaration. There was an intent behind this that I couldn't fathom. For once, I went along, submitting. I was left a little flustered when he withdrew and adjusted his mask once again. I pushed a few strands behind my ears and blinked owlishly.

"Shall we go meet the Hokage?" he asked, suddenly chipper and nonchalant.

Why did I have a special fondness for the most annoying humans? Just… why did I do this to myself?

Fifteen minutes later, as we were waiting to see the Sandaime, I was staring at the ceiling and still asking myself this question. I was perfectly fine before all this summoning crap, just eating, flying and not caring about humans' problems and rules.

"Tsukiyo-chan."

I hummed questioningly at Kakashi's call.

"You're bothering the assistants."

I glanced toward the secretaries' desk who pointedly looked down to avoid my eyes. I didn't see what the problem was. So what if I was pacing in the waiting room, waving my arms around and making my kimono's sleeves flap? They clearly never had to deal with a giant tree full of cawing crows.

"I don't like doing nothing," I replied, spinning around (those long sleeves were fun to play with, I was so smart to have chosen to dress like this!). "If I had something to eat, I would sit down. Nothing to eat: nothing to do, so I'm bored."

Immediately, snacks were thrown my way from three different directions. I grabbed Kakashi's trail mix, the assistants' chocolates, and the bodyguards' rations out of the air before cradling them in my arms with a grin. Wow, I would have never thought it was so easy to get free food from humans! "Thanks!" I went to sit beside Kakashi with small careful steps (the skirt restrained movement though, that was annoying) and unwrapped the chocolate eagerly. "Ooh, I haven't had chocolate in ages. Is it good? I don't remember which I prefer." I chewed slowly, savoring the taste before wincing. "Urgh. That's bitter."

Kakashi raised an open palm without looking away from his book. I handed over the rest of the chocolate and pounced on the trail mix.

We sat for a few more minutes, eating slowly (hidden by his book in Kakashi's case) and silently. I was tapping my feet against the ground noiselessly because people which had given me food had earned a minimum of consideration.

When finally the door opened, letting the Jounin Commander out, I jumped on my feet and pattered toward the Hokage's office. Kakashi caught me before I could make it and grasped me by the waist, pulling me against him in a smooth move.

"No. Bad," he chided me.

I pouted. Humans were so complicated.

Shikaku had stopped when he caught sight of me. He glanced at Kakashi and then me again and shook his head before walking away. "I don't want to know."

"Did Inoichi-san improve the psychology research projects?" I shouted at his back.

Kakashi pushed me toward the door (he should make up his mind). "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's not bother the Jounin Commander…"

"Bother? I'm doing this for the good of your damn village and you crazy shinobi," I protested, crossing my arms in annoyance as I stepped into the office. "You need psychotherapy and mandatory pedagogy lessons for jounin-sensei, fast."

"Do we? Is this the subject of our meeting?" the Sandaime asked, lifting his pipe to his lips.

"No, but I'm willing to rant about it for hours if you give me a captive audience. Like, if you're annoyed with your specialists in psychology — and you should be, because their work is subpar — send them to me, I'll set them straight," I offered with passionate hand gestures.

The Hokage chuckled. "Duly noted. Now, what can I do for you, Tsukiyo-chan? Your debriefing isn't due for another month."

I was going to answer when Kakashi stepped forward after closing the door, clearing his throat pointedly. I gestured for him to speak since this was the plan.

His explanation of Itachi's situation and the need for Tsunade's intervention was perfectly professional. I had to press my hands together and curl my toes to not fidget and chime in when the Sandaime stayed impassive.

"While I sympathize, I can't promise you Tsunade will cooperate," he said.

"I'll take care of that," I replied quickly. "Just tell me where she is. I'll convince her." Bribe, manipulation, guilt-tripping, blackmail… I would find a way. Failure wasn't an option.

"She's always on the move. What makes you think that I know where she will be?" the Hokage asked curiously.

"Chapter 3 of your guide to being a jounin-sensei, rule four: always know where your students are at all times," Kakashi quoted. "Last chapter: the relationship between sensei and pupils may slowly dissolve with time, but the bond endures, and a sensei keeps watch."

"What he says," I added while giving Kakashi a thumbs up. My boyfriend had done his research and memorized it! So cool.

The Sandaime smiled. "I'm glad to see you took my teaching to heart, Kakashi… Very well. Niikata will hold its autumn festival in two weeks. Tsunade was always quite fond of it and rarely fails to attend."

"Niikata! Got it!" I repeated cheerfully before mouthing to Kakashi: "Where is that?"

"South-east of Fire Country, on the seaside."

"Oh, do they have beaches? I love sand beaches. Seagulls are annoying little shits, but otherwise, it's pretty cool."

"A port, no sand beach, lots of seagulls."

"Urgh, those are bad signs. If you never see me again, I'd have probably been eaten alive by the white beasts."

"A tragic death. I'll pray for your soul."

"Please do. I'll need it."

The Hokage cleared his throat and raised a judgmental eyebrow. "As entertaining as this is, you'll be able to resolve this issue with seagulls on site." At our lack of understanding, he explained: "While Tsunade stays away from Konoha, she knows about the accusations against Itachi. She'll not help you without a word from me delivered by a loyal Konoha shinobi..."

"Don't get me started about Itachi's loyalty to Konoha, Hokage-sama," I warned with squinted eyes.

"... officially recognized as such," he concluded without blinking, but I was sure he had added that for my benefit. "Kakashi, you'll go under the pretense of a C-rank mission with your team. Niikata always requests a security increase during their festival. You'll be part of the squad sent. There, you'll liaise with Itachi and introduce him to Tsunade."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

oOo

"Hi," I chirped cheerfully as I landed on the table between Itachi and Kisame. They were peacefully eating cabbage and shrimp stir-fry (a mix of their favorites so everyone would be happy) at a quiet street food shop. "So, I have found you a doctor, Itachi-kun. I'll need you for one to two weeks to get you back on your feet," I explained. "Kisame-san, can you cover for us? I'll bring you back some dried fishes and taiyaki… I mean, Itachi-kun will, since I don't have pockets or hands, but you get what I mean."

"Why can't I come with you?" Kisame protested.

"Oh, darling, I love you too, but unfortunately this doctor is super-secret stuff. That, and Itachi-kun would rather cough up a lung than show weakness in front of you, so, nope, you can't come."

"Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi murmured. His straw hat was tilted down, hiding his face from anyone who wasn't a crow sitting on the table. He looked tired but not upset. "You're bothering our host."

I looked up and noticed the civilian cook staring at me with a gaping mouth. "Hi! Can I have some of that stir-fry too? Small portion. No salt or sauce necessary, thank you very much." When he didn't start on my order right away, I shake my wings in discontentment. "Itachi-kun, can you do that thing where they magically obey?"

"W-what?" the cook stuttered, finally getting back his ability to speak.

"She means paying," Itachi explained and held out a few coins. From the civilian's reaction, I would say it was a lot more than a bowl's worth, probably to buy his silence and patience. I wouldn't know: this world's money was totally obscure to me.

Kisame chuckled. "Good one. Alright, fine, bird-brain, but you better follow up with those snacks."

"I'm always serious about snacks, Blue." The arrival of my stir-fry was the occasion to prove it, and I cheerfully pecked at the meal.

I stayed with Itachi the whole time before leaving for Niikata. I had managed to make him promise he would summon me each time I ran out of chakra by a counter promise of 'behaving' — whatever that meant (he had explained: less commentary, less bitching, less snarking… so, to summarize, less talking; I felt unappreciated, good snark was an art!).

Despite a bit of sulking after I swore to behave, I found out that traveling with those two was soothing. They were quiet, cooperated well and without much talking needed, and never made a fuss wherever they go. I simply wasn't used to it anymore, not after living on Ichouki (Karasu weren't quiet or calm). I ended up dozing on Itachi's shoulder more than once.

"You're strangely quiet, bird-brain. Did you catch Itachi-san's illness or something?" Kisame asked at dinner after a few days.

I yawned and slightly shook myself before blinking in his direction. "I'm acclimating. It's getting so cold, I think I'm ready to hibernate."

"You hibernate?" Kisame asked, frowning.

While Itachi pointed out: "Crows don't hibernate."

"Do I? Don't they? Why not? I think I should. I think bears have the right idea. Winter is so cold and boring." I yawned again. "Sleeping for months sounds good. I want to give it a try. Why can't I, just because I'm a crow? That's speciesist. I want the opportunity to hibernate."

"Yeah, no, she's fine," Kisame concluded while shaking his head.

"You shouldn't needle her," Itachi advised.

"It's morbid fascination, I think," Kisame replied with that nonchalant and quick-witted companionship they had. "How doesn't she drive you crazy?"

"Actually, my wiseness is all that maintains his sanity," I piped up.

Despite Kisame's scepticism, Itachi gently petted my head, and that was all the confirmation that mattered. Annoying I might be, but I was a permanent feature in his life, his confidant and his safeguard. I had stopped him from going too far once (traumatizing his little brother with genjutsu and all that 'become strong to avenge their parents' bullshit? nope, horrible plan, forget it), and he knew I would still do it. He relied on me, implicitly, to keep him sane. I was going to keep him safe too.

oOo

Niikata was a rich city, popular with well-off merchants for its casino and resorts. Its festival was a little upscale and, without surprise, Tsunade favored the events organized in the casino. We had gotten a tip she would be present there one evening in particular.

As we waited for the appropriate hour to come, I shifted uneasily beside Itachi on the roof giving us a good view of the district. Earlier in the day, we had caught sight of Kakashi and his genin. We had followed them for a while until they joined the rest of the security squad and it became too risky. It was hard to say how Itachi felt after seeing his little brother for the first time in years, but he looked calm.

His only comment had been: "You were right. He has grown well."

It wasn't exactly what I had said, but if you filtered all the sarcasm I supposed it could be loosely translated as such... Itachi had probably developed a filter for Tsukiyo-speech.

I had decided to give him peace so he could bask in his complex human emotions, but it wasn't working so well for me.

"Speak up, Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi said softly.

"What?"

"You have been fussing more and speaking less than usual. Something is on your mind. Speak."

I shook my wings in annoyance. We had left Kisame two days ago, and for two days I had been trying to find a good way to breach the sensitive subject. I hadn't realized I was so obvious, but then trying to be subtle wasn't particularly my forte.

"It's about Hatake Kakashi," I admitted finally. I might as well just blurt it out. That's how I did everything, and it had worked ok for me until now, after all… Right?

Itachi hummed, watching me patiently.

I looked him in the eye. "We are dating."

There were a few seconds of silence before he murmured softly: "Pardon?"

"Yeah, I know, I know. What is a gal like me doing with a guy like him, am I right? What can I say, we hit it off. Love goes beyond frontiers and all that shit." I shrugged. "Anyway. I thought I should warn you, in case he can't keep his hands to himself, you know."

"Tsukiyo-chan."

"Yes?"

"Please, don't say a word more."

"Ok."

He leaned back and stared at the clouds. His eyes seemed a little glazed. Uh. Probably the seagulls' screams getting at his sanity. The little demons were such loud beasts.

"Don't worry though. My heart is still yours," I clarified to comfort him.

His hand fell on my head and two elegant fingers closed my beak.

Rude.

oOo

The night had fallen when we stepped in the casino.

In human form, wearing a kimono a little more colorful than usual (red, gold and black, due to the seasonal theme and the evening of entertainment planned), I was bouncing on my toes in the lobby.

Itachi (disguised with shorter hair, a plainer face, and a dark kimono) rested a hand on my forearm and gave me a look asking me to calm down. I pouted. I already had to stay put when he painted my nails red (to keep me still, he had admitted it without an ounce of shame). I wanted to move! Human bodies had so much more mobility than crows, it was a shame not to use it.

"Hello!"

I spun around and threw my arms around Kakashi's neck. His hair was dyed brown, falling down around his face instead of defying gravity. His left eye was covered by a white eye-patch (the standard medical kind), and his face was unmasked but decorated with a few moles and a generous amount of freckles. He was wearing a black haori and silver hakama and looked quite dashing.

"Honey! You're late!" I squealed before kissing his cheek.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I got held up in the crowd." Kakashi pecked the corner of my lips before nodding at Itachi. "Brother-in-law…"

Since my human form looked like Mikoto, I was posing as Itachi's sister, and Kakashi was my fiancé. It was the jounin's idea, and I was perfectly fine with it. Itachi had lifted an eyebrow when I had first told him but hadn't commented. Now that he knew of our relationship though, his opinion was difficult to read.

I grabbed them both by the wrists and, with one on each side, I dragged them deeper inside. "Come on, let's get this show on the road," I murmured, "before the old hag gets too drunk to speak."

"So, brother-in-law, how is the life on the road treating you?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Well enough. How is the married life treating you?"

"Seriously?" I mumbled at their pseudo ambiguous conversation.

"Maa, your dear sister is a delight."

"I hadn't realized she would be to your tastes."

I gawked at Itachi. Rude again! Such an embarrassment. I couldn't take him anywhere. Fortunately, Tsunade wasn't really hard to find. I spot her at a roulette table, a cup of sake in hand and her apprentice carrying a little pig behind her.

"She's… an acquired taste," Kakashi replied sweetly.

I groaned. "If I'm the only mature individual in this place, then I guess it's on me to do all the work!"

Before they could anticipate my plan, I sat down at the roulette table, taking the only free seat and slamming on the table the chips I had… acquired on the way.

"Wait," Kakashi hissed.

I ignored him as the dealer called for bets. "Red."

Twenty minutes later, the three chips I had acquired had transformed into forty-eight. Tsunade had lost every single time… until now.

"Twenty-three, red, odd, high," the dealer announced.

I grinned. I had bet everything on an odd number, which gave me forty-eight more chips. Tsunade had turned pale. She had bet ten chips on twenty-three. She was winning thirty-five times her bet, enough to cover all her losses and more. She stood up abruptly.

"Tsukiyo-chan, that's enough," Itachi murmured.

I hummed in agreement and reached for my winnings, hiding them in my kimono without care.

Kakashi dragged me away behind Itachi and whispered: "Did you cheat? No-one wins five times in a row."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Karasu are lucky little shits. It's genetic, to compensate for the problematic summoners, you see," I explained innocently.

He snorted, probably wondering if he should take me seriously or not (a common issue) but choosing to focus on the more urgent matter.

Tsunade was leaving with her apprentice in tow, spooked by her sudden win. However, she still took the time to get her chips exchanged for money at the counter. Itachi gestured for me to do the same. I started to pull chip after chip from my kimono. Tsunade had been much more organized (as expected of a regular). Waiting for her money, she watched me in morbid fascination as I added chip after chip to the growing pile in front of the baffled employee.

I patted my chest thoughtfully. "Wait. That's ninety-four. I'm missing two."

"Why did you put them there?" Tsunade finally blurted out.

"No pockets," I explained with a shrug, still pulling at the layers of fabric tugged tightly together. Having invented pockets and not putting them in every piece of clothes made was one of the greatest shames of humanity.

"Most women use their obi," Tsunade pointed out judgmentally.

"Oooh. That's smart," I cooed, wide-eyed, patting at my belt to find the last two chips. "And look! They were there." I grinned at the patient employee. "Here they are, my rightly deserved ninety-six chips. Please, take care of them."

Tsunade had turned her attention to the two disguised shinobi waiting for me, and I was pretty sure that they had been made. Still, for some reason, after she got her money, she waited until I had my own pouch of money cradled to my chest, staring at me thoughtfully. We left the counter. When we reached the exit door, she suggested: "You should entrust it to your friends."

"In their dreams! I did all the work! It's mine!" I protested, raising my chin and spreading my elbows in an effort to make me look bigger.

She chuckled. "I like you." The next second, her glowing hand was to my neck. Her voice was icy as she stared at Itachi and Kakashi: "It won't stop me from killing you if you don't tell me immediately who you are."

"Rude," I blurted out.

Without a word, Kakashi showed his free hands and gestured at his pocket. When Tsunade nodded, he pulled out a scroll and slowly held it out. With a tilt of her head, Tsunade ordered Shizune, who had been hiding behind her until now, to take the scroll and read it.

"This is from Hokage-sama, shishou."

"About?"

"Medical help."

"For me," Itachi clarified.

Tsunade hummed and watched us one by one before pulling her hand back and taking the scroll. When she looked back up, she squinted at Itachi. "Let's go to my room."

She disappeared in the next breath.

I rolled my eyes to the sky. "Is this Rude Day? Someone could have warned me."

Itachi grabbed me by the waist. A moment later, I groaned in disgust as I leaned on the wall of a hotel hallway. "Stupid shinobi mojo."

Kakashi lifted me (what was I? a bag of almonds?!) and put me down inside the hotel room, closing the door behind us.

"Who are you?" Tsunade demanded immediately.

Kakashi and Itachi removed their disguises. I leaned forward, expecting an attack on my summoner, but Tsunade didn't react outwardly. However, she stared for a long moment.

"I'm told the Hatake boy is escorting a loyal shinobi of Konoha… I don't know what this means, and I don't want to know. Political bullshit and obscure plots, no doubt. Get naked." She pointed to a futon with her chin.

"This day keeps getting ruder and ruder," I piped up. Although I was personally glad that begging and bargaining didn't seem necessary to convince Tsunade to help us. Maybe money and booze had put her in a good mood.

Tsunade frowned at me. "Who is she?"

"The girl who will give you all her earnings if you stop being rude," I replied before the men could.

"You think you can buy me? with so little?"

"Eh! I think you could buy some good sake with 'so little'. You know, if you're into that, which I'm not — I'm more of an almond girl myself — but to each their own," I babbled as I went to stand by Itachi's side and carefully folded the kimono he was removing before putting it aside. "Now, let's get back to the subject. Itachi is experiencing chronic fatigue, shortness of breath, sporadic thoracic pain and lowered chakra level. Fix him, please and thank you."

"Get out," Tsunade ordered as she stepped forward.

"Your rudeness is reaching peak level. I'm appalled."

Kakashi was next to me before I could complain more, and he pulled me toward the door. "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's leave Tsunade-sama to work in peace, shall we?"

The door closed behind us before I could answer, and we stood in the desert hallway. He held me close and didn't seem eager to let go. I looked up to assess his state of mind. He met my eyes and smiled softly before leaning forward and kissing the corner of my lips.

"Why don't we go wait on the roof?" he suggested in a whisper.

"It's cold outside."

"I'll keep you warm," he promised, leaning closer.

"... I'll hold you to that."

oOo

Kakashi sat with his back to a metal plate which had accumulated the sun's warmth, and I curled up in his lap. After the excitement of the evening, I was getting drowsy. I let my head fall on his shoulder and didn't protest when he rested his chin on my hair. With his arms around me, I was warm and comfy.

I dozed while he read.

Time passed until the silence was broken by Kakashi speaking up:

"Are you going to hover until sunrise?"

Pulled from dreams of being a human towering above all others, I hummed questioningly and opened my eyes.

Before I could ask what Kakashi was talking about, Itachi came out of the shadows. I blinked at him drowsily. He was staring at us strangely, like when he was startled by my stellar wisdom. Uh. Did I speak in my sleep?

"Decided yet?" Kakashi asked.

I straightened and rubbed my eyes, forgetting that Itachi had applied makeup and getting mascara smudged on the back of my hand. I stared at it with a displeased pout.

"It's not my place to comment," Itachi said.

"What are you talking about?" I piped up.

"About whether or not Itachi approves of us," Kakashi explained.

"Oh. Then, yeah, it's not his place." I tried to stand up, but due to the damn kimono restricting my movements, I gave up and held out my hands for Itachi to pull me up. Once upright, I immediately went for a hug. "What did she say?"

"Degenerative lung disease worsened by jutsu abuse."

"The cure?"

He stared at me quietly.

"If you tell me there aren't any, I'm going back to the drunk hag and convincing her to pull a miracle out of her fine bosom," I warned.

"I have medicine to slow the illness. A cure would necessitate monthly chakra treatment until remission."

I nodded. "Okay."

Itachi closed his eyes. "Tsukiyo-chan, that's not possible."

"Oh, it is," I replied calmly.

He met my eyes, and his lips parted to answer.

I pressed a finger to the tip of his nose to silence him. "Now, here is the plan: I'm going to go speak to Tsunade about how to find her every month; when we're back to base, I'll inform bossman that you'll take monthly leave for an undetermined time; and you'll take your medicine and get your precious self in time for your treatment every month. Failure to comply by any party will lead to daily harassment by a legion of very pissed and very determined Karasu," I explained before spreading my hands. "See? Very simple plan. Success guaranteed."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kakashi had stood up. He looked at me with fond amusement.

"Please, senpai, don't encourage her," Itachi sighed. "Akatsuki's activities make it unlikely I'll be able to leave every month."

"Darling, when I'm done with them, every one of your charming comrades will push you out of the door every month in fear of my retaliation should you ever miss one appointment. You think I'm an acquired taste? You have never seen me at my worse."

oOo

Two weeks later, I was resting on Kakashi's shoulder (in crow form) as he sat in a tree, listening to me narrating proudly how I had forced S-class shinobi to submit to my mighty will:

"So, you have to imagine a cave full of crows, like on every available surface there was a crow of different size and shape, it was a work of art. And the bossman, he stared at his lair which slowly got covered in droppings, right, with his fancy marble face, and he said with this solemn voice: 'Itachi-san, you're excused from every meeting and mission coinciding with your medical appointments. Please, remove your beasts from the premises.'" I tried to imitate Pain's voice, but a karasu's vocal cords (don't ask me how that worked, it just did, alright?) weren't designed for the exercise, and I completely failed.

Kakashi chuckled lightly.

"So, Itachi stared at me, and I just said, like a boss, 'dismissed', and all the karasu flew out of the cave and back to Ichouki, our sacred gingko tree. Akatsuki had to abandon the cave due to the droppings and the fact that everyone around had noticed the thousands of crows swarming the place." I sighed in delight. "Everyone in Akatsuki now hates me deeply — except for Kisame who strangely thinks I'm hilarious now, but I think that's the boobs' effect. My life is complete."

Kakashi raised a hand and softly patted my head. I basked in his approval and rubbed my feathers against his mask (it was useful to clean up).

"Sensei?"

"Shit," I breathed, flying away from Kakashi's shoulder to take refuge on a higher branch.

"Sensei, we're done with our exercises. What should we do now?" Sakura asked from the ground, her teammates by her side.

"Maa, I suppose we should prepare for a mission. Is there something wrong with your neck, Sasuke?"

"I thought I saw a crow…"

"Probably just a magpie."

I held back a squawk of protest. How dare he compare me to those little thieves?! True, I didn't want Sasuke to see me in this form — he might recognize me even if it had been years and we had barely met once or twice — but still!

I had such tolerance for humans. They were so lucky to have me, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter currently published on ff.net. 
> 
> You can find me at http://dianamoth.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

When the group coming from Konoha arrived at the Land of Waves, I was dozing on a branch hidden from the nearby pathway, lulled by the sounds of the wind and the sea, hunched up to protect myself from their cold bite.

Kakashi appeared on the closest branch with barely a sound. Only the movement of the wood taking his weight clued me in.

I opened my eyes, yawned and shook myself, checking the group of Konoha shinobi first. Kakashi was still there, among his students and client. I glanced to the side and met his shrewd gaze.

"Is the clone here or on the ground?" I asked curiously.

"I wouldn't leave my team alone on hostile territory."

"So, on the ground," I concluded, stretching my wings.

"What are you doing here?"

"What am I always doing? Spying a little broody boy and making sure he won't become a tragic emo teenager," I sighed put-upon. "Secondarily, making sure my boyfriend doesn't mess up and go back to his own tragic phase."

"Maa, so kind of you. Why would I mess up?"

"Your mission isn't C-level."

"I know. We have been attacked by chuunin. It's B-level—"

"I'm afraid not, darling," I interrupted before he could tell me he could handle it.

His attention sharpened, eye focused on me and hands clenching the branch. "... What do you know?"

"Gato hired Momochi Zabuza. You brought the kids on an A-level."

"Shit," he breathed, glancing at the group moving away from the beach they had berthed on and toward the bridge-builder's village further inside the island. Kakashi adjusted his mask nervously before squaring his shoulders. "I can take him."

"While protecting a team of genin and a client?" I sighed. "Yes, you can, but don't get cocky, that's how you get yourself killed while you're at it."

"Duly noted."

"Oh, by the way, Momochi has a little apprentice. Tokubetsu jounin level. Fast and quiet, likes senbon, and has one of those fancy tricks which allows him to use ice."

"The Hyōton Kekkei Genkai?"

"Yeah, that," I agreed dismissively. All those fancy words weren't worth the effort to memorize. "Still feeling cocky?"

"No, I'm good, thanks," he replied drily before rubbing his nose where his mask ended. "Intelligence screwed up."

"Yep."

"We can't turn back now."

"Nope."

He threw a displeased glance my way. "Tsukiyo…"

"Yeah, yeah, I have your back," I sighed. "It's not like there is anything else to do around here anyway. And it's so cold I have to keep you alive to get warmed up. Give me a hug." I flew from my branch to his knee, where I pressed myself against his chest.

He patted my head distractedly, angling himself to protect me from the wind. "Do you have any more info?"

"Sure," I mumbled, a bit distracted as I rubbed my head against his palm. "He's going to attack you before you reach your client's house. Alone, because every jounin is a damn cocky idiot and he wants to keep his apprentice a secret, like a trump card. If you win, the boy will show up and pretend to be a Kiri Hunter-nin. That's their MO. Gato won't intervene directly unless they lose, but he has a lot of thugs in his service. He'll try to cheat Momochi if he can, because he's cocky _and_ an useless idiot."

Kakashi hummed in thought and scratched me under the beak in reward. "Thanks."

The clone disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving me to fall to the ground. I squawked loudly and spread my wings to negotiate a clumsy landing instead of a crash. I squawked again, louder, in Kakashi's direction. The nerve of that man! Can you believe it?!

Further on the path, Sasuke turned around, frowning. "What was that?"

"Oh, just a magpie," Kakashi replied cheerfully, like the asshole he was. His book was nowhere to be seen. At least, he was taking this seriously.

 

oOo

 

"Hello."

A rain of senbon was thrown my way, but I had planned for it and just dropped on a lower branch.

Haku, having identified the newcomer to be a little bird, froze with another bunch of senbon in hands, but he didn't speak. On the lake nearby, the fight between Momochi and Kakashi was in full swing.

"Like I was saying, hello," I repeated, unbothered. "I would like to inform you, free of charge and just from the kindness of my heart — you're welcome —, that Gato doesn't plan on paying you, and that you're likely to die for nothing on this sad little piece of land."

"You're a summon," Haku realized.

"Yes, I'm glad you noticed. Hello again… for the third time."

"Are you Hatake's? I thought his summons were dogs."

"I'm not his. I belong to someone stronger, someone you don't want to fight when he's angry, and angry he'll be if you succeed… which you won't, by the way. Staying alive, that, however, is still possible—"

"Zabuza-san will win," Haku interrupted confidently.

"Will he? Well, let's watch, shall we? You'll change your mind soon enough," I replied, settling to watch the show. It was going on more or less as I remembered it. Despite my warning giving him the advantage, Kakashi was unused to fighting without backup while protecting a team of genin. He made most of the same mistakes. I had no doubt he would learn from them, like he did in the books. This was necessary in a way, for him just like for the kids.

Now the two jounin were preparing for the same water dragon jutsu, and I know this would be the end.

"Oh, by the way, I told Hatake about you," I said to Haku distractedly. "You might want to scram without putting on a show, and by scram I mean spy on Gato a little to hear what he has to say about you two and then get the hell out of this island. Again, advice free of charge. You're welcome."

Haku stared at me, wide-eyed. I looked back and gave a tilt of my head when Zabuza took the full brunt of tons of water in the face and got swiped against a tree.

"This is your cue… or you both die. Your choice."

Haku disappeared, grabbed Zabuza in the next second and ran for their lives. Good boy.

Kakashi glanced my way. I waved at him discreetly.

Naruto ran for him. His sensei fainted.

Such glorious mayhem.

"Well… good job, me. I did amazing, like always." I preened and smoothed my feathers with the satisfaction of a job well done.

 

oOo

 

"Hi."

Kakashi groaned and buried his face a little more under the blanket to hide from the sunlight. Feeling generous — although it was mostly pity —, I raised a wing to block the sun getting on his face. He blinked his good eye open.

"You let them leave."

"Good afternoon to you too, sweetcheeks. I'm flattered you think I could stop those two jounin from leaving."

"I could have killed them both when the apprentice came and pretended to be Kiri Hunter-nin, but you talked to him, didn't you? You clued him in. Why?"

"I'm the brain, not the brawn, darling. I convinced him it would be better for them to leave and give up their mission of their own volition."

"Momochi wouldn't give up."

"Unless his client plans to swindle him. Oh, he was pissed when he heard Gato talking shit about him. You should have seen it, he made a real mess of Gato's mansion — there were things exploding everywhere —, and then he stole one of their boats. It was far more entertaining than seeing your kids try to get by without you. Not that they did a bad job, mind you—"

"You don't let an enemy run away!" Kakashi exclaimed sharply.

I shut up and put down my wing, forcing him to look away with a grunt. "Well, someone is in 'perfect soldier' mode, I see. Chakra exhaustion doesn't do you any good. I'm going to check that your genin are still alive on that damn bridge. Get your head out of your ass in the meantime."

I jumped out of the window and looked for the right winds to bring me to my destination. In my annoyance against Kakashi, I didn't notice the broody boy watching me fly away.

 

oOo

 

A few nights later, the sky was mostly clear and the moon was full, lighting the sea in silver hues. It was a lovely sight.

I had taken human form to appreciate the sea licking at my feet and the wind playing with my long hair left undone. Sitting on sharp rocks, barely protected from the humidity by a yukata, I was surprising myself at how much I appreciated this moment. As a crow, I didn't go anywhere near the sea on a regular basis, and I had learned to view expanses of water with wariness (swimming? what is that funny business?). Yet, somehow this sight was fascinating me, reminding me of long forgotten days spent playing in such waves… once upon a time.

A chakra presence brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced over my shoulder at Kakashi. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, staring at the horizon with his body tilted toward me and his face away. Guarded, but trying to open to me without admitting it. So typical.

"I'm sorry."

His quiet words were swept away by the wind, and I didn't react. He came closer and crouched by my side. In an unusual display of earnestness, he said:

"You're not a shinobi of Konoha nor my summon. You have a free will, which I like. It was wrong of me to shout at you for the way you chose to help… I apologize."

I grunted in acknowledgement. "I'm cold."

He huffed, chuckled and moved to sit down behind me. He opened his jacket's zip so I could recline against his chest without his pockets digging into my back. I sighed contently at the comfy position and the warmth sipping from him.

"You're forgiven," I said as I patted his knee.

His arms went around my waist, and he leaned down to press his face against my neck. I continued to play in the waves with just the tip of my foot, enjoying the touch of water on skin without worrying it would drown me.

After a long moment of quiet and simple companionship, Kakashi pulled on his mask, freeing his nose and lips so they could caress my skin. I tilted my head to give him more space, staring at the moon and her blanket of clouds slipping lazily over her.

"Are you going to fall asleep on me?" I asked when his caresses stayed a mere brush of skin.

"Not impossible," he admitted in a murmur.

I chuckled and raised a hand to scratch his nest of a hair. "Are you going to talk to me about what's eating you up, or are you going to play the impassive perfect soldier?"

He kissed my shoulder and raised his head to stare at the waves. "Pass?"

I looked back. "You don't want to talk about it?"

"No."

"OK, but I can't stand brooding. It's the bad vibes. They kill my mood. No brooding is allowed around me, so I have to distract you. I suggest kissing. I know, I know, it's cliché with this setting, but listen—"

Sooo, kissing it was. Humming against his lips, I raised my feet from the water and turned in his arms to cling to him like a barnacle. The kiss became a chuckle from him and a squeal from me when I caused us to overbalance to the side, forcing him to manhandle me back on his lap. Before he could take this as an excuse to stop, I squished his cheeks between my hands and brought us back to our previous very important occupation. Kissing might be an human invention, but it was a damn good one (the lips and the tongue helped, you know, because with a beak it wasn't exactly practical).

Unfortunately, breathing still took precedence over kissing. I had to pull back, leaning my forehead against his while caressing his cheekbones with my thumbs in marvel. He was so handsome and most of the time I couldn't admire him properly. Such a shame.

"Could I get reincarnated into a dog?" he asked suddenly after a few seconds of enjoying the quiet.

I leaned back, blinking like an owl. "What?"

"You have been reincarnated into a crow. That's what you said. But why a crow? Why not a cat? You have the passive-aggressiveness of one."

"Fuck you." Yeah, I would make a great cat. I would leave fur all over Tobi's cloak and Danzou's robe, and cuddle everyone else into submission.

"So could I get reincarnated into a dog? or is that only for good people who are rewarded with a dog life because obviously being a dog is a blessing, and—"

"Oh, I see where this is going."

"Onto me being reincarnated into a dog? I don't think that would be possible, I'm obviously not—"

"Hatake Kakashi, you're a great man," I said solemnly, attempting to stare him down although he was looking at the stars. "I mean it's obvious: do you think I would settle for anyone who wouldn't be kind, handsome, strong, intelligent _and_ competent? I wouldn't. I deserve the best, and I've got it, obviously, because I'm the best and I get everything I want — at least in my dreams." I patted his chest. "You made a few mistakes. It happens — even to me, which is saying a lot. Just… chill, okay. Learn from it. Do better. Don't brood." After a few seconds of silence, I added: "Dogs are overrated anyway."

Tickles at my ankles immediately got me squirming and squealing, but Kakashi was holding me tight. "Take that back," he demanded calmly.

"Ok, they're great to cuddle with!" I relented, getting a slight lessening of my punishment. "But they can't fly, they can barely swim, they are dependent on humans… I mean, being reincarnated as one would suck!"

He nibbled my ear. "Blasphemer."

"You know I'm right!"

He pulled on my yukata to press our bodies together. The fabric got a little loose, letting the wind caress my skin and allowing his thumb to brush my collarbone. I shivered slightly, but I was more focused on the lips sealing mine. I was content to lean into his touches and let him distract me from his bout of moping.

 

oOo

 

Their mission went on without much more trouble. Gato and his thugs showed up, of course, but civilians were hardly a challenge, even for genin.

I left to report back to Itachi, proud to inform him that his kin was still alive and brooding. Later, I would remember that the kid was supposed to activate his Sharingan during this mission. Whatever. Not a great loss. This Kekkei Genkai business was more trouble than it was worth in my opinion. The later, the better.

As I arrived to Akatsuki's base, I had to wait for one of them to show up and open the entrance for me. I dozed for a while only to be woken up by Deidara's chattering. He was leaving the hideout with his partner. I yawned and stretched my wings.

"Hold the door, please."

Sasori's long tail came out of his cloak to keep the entrance open for me. He was such a gentleman.

"Thanks, Sasori-san. You're looking positively murderous today. Deidara-kun, how do you do?"

"Hn," Deidara only grunted.

"Pissed again with Itachi, I see. Have fun blowing up things then. See you!"

I jumped from the rock I was perched on and flew inside the corridor. I hated flying indoors, but it was either that or slowly walking on the ground where any lout could step on you (stupid Hidan). After a few turns I didn't have a choice however. I walked around, looking for Itachi.

I caught sight of Pain, but he took a glance at me and immediately disappeared. Still pissed about the droppings then. Whatever, the cave was too damp and cold anyway, it was for the best for their health, he should thank me! And a few droppings were easily washed away from their cloaks, so no need to hold a grudge.

After a minute, I recognized a pair of feet at the other end of the hallway. I bounced toward them. "Blue!"

Kisame looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. "Bird-brain."

I reached his foot and politely pecked his sandal in greeting. "Carry me to Itachi," I demanded.

He moved his foot back. "No."

I went for the other foot and pecked at his nails this time.

He grunted and sighed in defeat as he bent down to carefully grab me. What a good servant.

"You're such a pain."

"I love you too."

Kisame made a face. It was funny to see those big boys unused to talking about feelings getting flustered when I said such nice things flippantly. They didn't know how to take it. It was even more fun than insulting them.

In a few steps, he brought me to the library, where Itachi was reading a scroll in a comfy chair.

"Itachi-san, the shrew is back," Kisame said as he threw me in the air.

I had to deploy my wings in a hurry to negotiate a landing which didn't end up with me plastered to Itachi's face. Of course, he wouldn't have allowed it: he helpfully raised a wrist at the perfect height for me to land on without difficulty. Perfect summoner… What a show-off!

"Thank you, Kisame-san," Itachi replied.

"Yeah, thanks for nothing, Shark Man!" I shouted at his retreating and chuckling back.

A long finger came to caress my neck, and I immediately settled down to enjoy the touch. Nothing was better than Itachi's petting… well, almost nothing, there were Kakashi's kisses… and almonds.

Eyes closed, lulled by scratches and strokes, I related the fascinating life of Uchiha Sasuke to his worried elder brother. We went through the usual: how was he? did he become stronger? how is his relationship with his team? any new jutsu? the Sharingan (yeah, that's when I realized, but nevermind)?

And then: "Kakashi-san took on Momochi?"

"Yeah."

"Is he well?"

I opened an eye suspiciously. "Since when do you care about him?"

He put me down on his knee. "I always cared."

I gave him a judging side-eye.

"He matters to you," he finally admitted.

"Aww. That's cute." I rubbed my head against his fingers. "I'm proud of you!"

Itachi sighed. "Tsukiyo-chan."

"Am I making this weird?"

"Yes. It's good of you to recognize it. I'm proud of you," he said, deadpan.

I gave him the side-eye, again. "And people think there isn't an ounce of humor in you." I was the only one to see this side of him, and since it was often at my expense, I had conflicted opinions about it.

He awarded me with one of his rare smiles.

Okay. I could handle a few jibes... for him.

 

oOo

 

A few weeks later, I was sent back to Konoha to learn about the plans of Team 7 regarding the slowly approaching chuunin exam.

I waited for them in a tree at their usual training ground, napping until the lazy humans got their asses where they were supposed to. I was all comfy and dozy. The weather was nice enough, not too cold. I was protected from the wind. Everything was fine. I might have fallen asleep.

And then, all of a sudden, I was grabbed and pushed in a cage.

I screamed bloody murder and immediately went for the offending hands which had dared touch my sacred body, but the cage's door had already closed. I only managed to scratch skin instead of ripping it all off.

My attacker swore at the wound but didn't let go of the cage. A cage so small that I couldn't even stretch my wings or do anything really. I was outraged, livid, and two minutes away from a panic attack. Birds were made for open space!

Letting out a torrent of curses and swear words which Hidan would have applauded, I screeched when I finally got a view of my attacker.

"You little duck butt! Let me out _immediately_!" I screamed at Sasuke as he stared at me coldly.

"I knew I recognized you," he whispered. "You're Itachi's."

"I'm the end of your pretty little face, asshole, if I'm not out of there in the next five seconds!"

"He sent you to spy on me, didn't he? What does he want?!"

"What am I, his conscience? I'll tell you what _I_ want you, little shit," I hissed.

He jostled me as he jumped down from the tree I was resting on. I knocked roughly into the bars.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Stopped in the middle of an hissing feat by a feminine voice, I glanced at the two kids walking toward us. Sasuke looked annoyed.

"What are you doing with a bird?" Naruto asked curiously, leaning forward to glance at me.

I hissed at him too. I was not an ornament to be gawked at!

"Nothing," Sasuke replied. "I have to go."

"What? Where are you going?!" Naruto protested.

"Sensei will be here soon!" Sakura said.

"Tch. He's always late."

Sasuke hadn't taken two steps that his late and lazy sensei appeared in front of him and tapped his wrist on a pressure point which cause him to drop the cage. Kakashi caught it and opened the door in the next seconds. Immediately, I was out of it and screaming bloody murder as I rushed at the stupid little brat.

Kakashi dropped the cage and caught me before I could do more than slash a light cut on Sasuke's cheek.

"Let me go!"

"Ahaha, easy," Kakashi chided. He was holding me against his chest to stop me from using either wings or claws, and I was too far away from anything sensitive to peck at him in retaliation.

"He trapped me into a cage smaller than the circumference of his stupid head! I would peck his stupid eyeballs out of his damn orbits if he was anybody else!"

"But he isn't. Easy. Take a few breaths," Kakashi ordered. He had this serious tone that said it wasn't a suggestion. Unfortunately, it was a tone I respected, so I inhaled deeply and glared at Sasuke silently but _seethingly_. There was a lot of seething, believe me. "Naruto, Sakura, you're training on your own this morning. Taijutsu only."

"What?!" Naruto protested.

"Sensei, what's going on?"

"Family issues, Sakura-chan. I'll be dealing with Sasuke. Be good." Kakashi tapped the back of the head of Sasuke to stop him from glaring and get him to move away from his noisy teammates.

"Do you know who she is?" Sasuke hissed as they left toward the memorial stone.

"Not here."

"You do! How can you let her—"

" _Not here_."

This time, Sasuke listened and quieted down, which left two of us seething with Kakashi to mediate. He brought us to an apartment which I recognized belatedly as Sasuke's. The goal was probably to make him feel comfortable. I also knew that Kakashi had placed a few seals against eavesdroppers, which he activated discretely as he closed the windows.

He put me down on a table, and I immediately went to the furthest corner from the little beast.

"When did you notice her?" Kakashi asked Sasuke.

The boy took this as a sign he could rant. "I have seen her leaving your room in the Land of Waves, and I have seen her around. No normal crow has grey eyes. And you always knew, didn't you? When you talked about magpies, it was her!"

I glared at Kakashi for that one. This was his fault. Me, a magpie?! So transparent!

Kakashi ignored me. Leaning back against the wall with his arms and ankles crossed, he didn't seem perturbed by the accusation.

"What does this mean? Are you working with Itachi?" Sasuke was continuing with his hands so clenched he was going to hurt himself. "Is that how you got the Sharingan? You stole it?!"

"WOW!" I interrupted. Rude _and_ offensive at the same time? That was a new record. "Slow down, midget, and spare us the harebrained speculations, ok? You want the truth? Fine, I'll tell you. Whatever. Just shut up for a while."

Kakashi caught my eye and tilted his head in silent concern.

I shrugged, stretching my wings while I was at it, just to remind me I could. "Hiding things will only bite us in the ass on the long term. If he's old enough to kill, then he's old enough to deal with the truth."

Sasuke's eyes were going from me to Kakashi with a wary expression, but he stayed blissfully quiet, apparently holding me to my words.

"So," I started after a long breathe in, "this mess started… eons ago, with the mistakes of your ancestors. Long story short, everyone is an idiot, and you and your brother paid the price of their stupidity."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. I knew he was thinking that the whole Uchiha clan had paid the price, but the dead weren't the worst off in my opinion, so they didn't count.

"You were little, so you obviously memorized half of what happened at the time, and understood half of that. What you have to understand is that before it was wiped out, the Uchiha clan was treated somewhat differently from the rest — for reasons I won't develop now or we'll still be there by midnight. There was exclusion and distrust. You were isolated. Memories of your childhood probably include 90% of Uchiha and little else." Which made the disparition of his clan all the more chilling now that I thought about it. They were his whole world.

He didn't answer, but his expression wasn't as impassive as he would like to think. The way he hunched told me I was right.

"Many people among the Uchiha were tired of it. It opened old wounds badly scared, and they resented the government inherited from the Senju. They planned a coup. As clan head, your father was leading it."

"No," Sasuke breathed. His eyes had widened and his hands loosened to grip the table. "No. I don't believe you." He looked at Kakashi, seeking denial. His sensei nodded solemnly to confirm my explanations. "That's… Is that why…? Is that why Itachi…"

I sighed and stretched my neck. My anger against him had simmered down in favor of the deep tiredness that always filled me when I remembered this mess. "Itachi and Shisui knew all of this and were supposed to be the Uchiha's spies close to the Hokage, but they didn't approve of the plan. For them, this would lead to a civil war and possibly escalate into a world war. This was their worst nightmare. Torn between their clan and their village, they made their choice."

I stared into space as I remembered those wretched days.

*

_The second I was summoned, I knew I was too late. I had meant to warn Shisui of Danzou's plan, but here he was, with a bleeding empty eye socket._

_"Tsukiyo-chan, I need you to find Itachi and bring him back here, quickly."_

_"Shisui…"_

_He chuckled in between panting breaths. "I must really look awful for you to call me by my name… But we don't have time. Please, bring him."_

_With a lump in my throat, I did as he asked and went to find Itachi. My unusually solemn and hoarse voice told him something was wrong, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he had guessed beforehand. I had no doubt that things had gone sideways for weeks, and during all this time I had dithered and tried to keep my distance. What an idiot I was. Sage, what an idiot!_

_I watched as Shisui explained what had happened to his best friend._

_"Please, protect the village," Shisui said as he handed over his left eye._

_Birds couldn't cry, but I would weep if I could. I was past the disgust of seeing someone remove his own eye. I just felt like shattering in billion pieces. This was what heartbreak must feel like._

_There was nothing I could do now to protect them. I had failed._

_"Tsukiyo-chan, please… take care of Itachi for me._

_I fluttered my wings. I wanted to hold him so much, keep him safe and away from the world… but I hadn't mastered the transformation technique yet._

_"I will," I managed to say with a croaky voice. "I'm sorry, Shisui."_

_He chuckled._

_Sage, I would miss his humor… his laughs… his voice... Him._

_"What for? You were right. Humans are so much trouble. I will be one less you have to worry about."_

_"But that's the thing. You were_ mine _to worry about." And Danzou would pay for taking him from me. One day, he would pay._

_A heavy silence settled between me and Itachi after Shisui disappeared. He was staring at the eye in his hand. The organ would decay if not taken proper care of or implemented in a new body. Knowing that Itachi wanted to keep it, I heard myself say something I would never have thought possible before:_

_"Akagarasu has lost an eye recently. He's big enough to get an human implant." It had seemed disgusting to me before. Now, I just felt detached from it all._

_Itachi nodded in understanding. He closed his hand around his precious burden and looked up at the setting sun. "This is the end."_

_I could try to dissuade him, but the truth was that without Shisui's mangekyou, the likeliness of stopping the coup and the massacre was dropping._

_Feeling my summoning come to an end due to the death of Shisui and the low chakra he had given me, I replied hastily: "You can still decide how this ends, Itachi. Don't do anything rash. Summon me before_ — _"_

_I appeared back on Ichouki._

_*_

_The next time Itachi summoned me, there was more blood._

_I had prepared for this. The crows Itachi had summoned for recon at the start of the massacre had warned all the Sacred Tree with whispers shared from karasu to karasu. "It started," they said, and we all knew. We all knew that the point of no return had been reached, but truly we had known from the moment the ink of Shisui's name had turned from red to black on the contract scroll._

_I had actually been hoping he would summon me. To guide him, to support him._

_Still, I was not prepared to be met with the severed heads of his parents and the heavy silence of a necropolis falling onto the clan compound. I needed a few seconds to gather my wits and face the stony face of Itachi. He was kneeling on the ground, in arm reach of his mother, as pale as the dead. Tears were running down his face, but he was beyond grief._

_We stared at each other for a few long seconds. No words could express the turmoil in both our hearts._

_He started in a strangled voice: "Sasuke... I killed them. Sasuke needs to—"_

_"Sasuke needs his brother to get his head out of his ass."_

_He blinked at me, which was more than he had given me until now._

_I sighed. "I get that you're feeling massive guilt right now and the wish to be punished for what you did, but —newsflash— if your way to deal with it is to force your eight-years-old brother to shoulder as much of the trauma as you then it's hogwash, ok? You're doing this to protect him from the horrors of war, not traumatize him! Do you remember that?!"_

_"H-he's Uchiha's last chance—"_

_"He's a kid!" I shouted as I hopped forward and pecked his hands pressed flat to the ground like in supplication. "Do you listen to yourself?!"_

_"He needs to become stronger."_

_"And he will." I looked him in the eyes. "But not like this. Not like you. Not like what your father, your clan or Danzou would have wished. If you're truly doing this for_ him _, then free him of the hate and the distrust which caused all of this. If you're looking for atonement, then find another way and showed it to him."_

_Tears gathered in his eyes. "How? I don't… I don't see it... the way. The way to peace, I can't see it anymore, Tsukiyo. It's gone."_

_Heartbroken by his distress, I closed my eyes for a second of thought, but the decision was spontaneous. "I'll show it to you."_

_Genjutsu wasn't my specialty, but if Itachi didn't resist, then I could lead him without too much difficulty. I showed him a world of peace and prosperity, where his brother rebuilt the Uchiha clan and helped Konoha flourish. It was a world inspired by the story I recalled with some liberties. It was a world of hope and love._

_When we both opened our eyes next, he nodded. "I understand."_

_Sasuke was running toward the house. We both felt him._

_Slowly, Itachi gathered his bloody katana and stood up to face his brother in the lobby, where the kid wouldn't be able to see the bodies of his parents, just the puddles of blood. I watched from the shadows as Sasuke walked in, caught sight of his bloody brother and stammered in distress._

_Itachi needed a moment to strengthen his resolve. "I had to kill them… I'm sorry, little brother. Find another way." He held out a finger and poked Sasuke's forehead for the last time. The next moment, the kid dropped unconscious, trapped in a genjutsu which would hopefully teach him the merits of love, friendship, communication and loyalty._

_I stepped forward and gently adjusted the position of the kid's limbs before meeting Itachi's eye. "You better have told him you love him in that genjutsu."_

_He blinked in puzzlement._

_I sighed. "Boys. You have to tell them everything. Well, go on then, change it!"_

_Itachi's sharingan swirled as he adjusted the genjutsu he had casted._

_I felt shimmers of chakra at the limit of my senses. The ANBU, finally catching on. "You better leave." As he hesitated by his brother side, I nudged his ankle. "I'll look after him. Go."_

_He took a step toward the exit and then paused to meet my eyes. His fingers spread in an ANBU signal. Debt._

_He disappeared._

_I looked down at Sasuke and adjusted his hair to see his expression. He looked peaceful. "Well… Maybe I managed one thing right," I whispered to the spirits of the dead haunting the compound._

_Chakra appeared at the house's entrance, and then I heard the sniffing of a ninken. I met Pakkun's eyes as he froze in the doorway. Kakashi appeared a moment later, his expression hidden by his ANBU mask. It was for the best. I would rather not meet his eyes._

_"He's yours now," I told him. "Watch over him."_

_I unsummoned myself._

_*_

I met Kakashi's eye, knowing that like I did he was remembering that day and the deep feeling of failure and emptiness at such a waste.

Sasuke had sat down as I narrated the events, and he was staring at his hands, hunched forward.

"Who told him? Who told Itachi to kill all the clan? Was it the Hokage?" he asked in a whisper.

"No."

"Who?"

I ignored Kakashi trying to meet my eyes. I knew I couldn't tell the kid the answer. I wasn't an idiot. He was too young. Nearly the age Itachi had when he dealt with Danzou… and we all knew how that went. Ignorance was for the best, for now.

"I'll tell you..."

Kakashi stepped forward. Sasuke looked up.

"... once you have found the way."

Contrary to his sensei, Sasuke understood my meaning. He pressed his palms and lips together. "That's just an inane dream Itachi gave me because he treated me like a kid who couldn't understand what was going on."

"Oh, darling, if you knew the faith your brother has placed in you," I sighed. I shook my wings. "But I see it was misplaced. Never mind then." I turned to leave by the window.

He stood up immediately. "Wait! How? How do I know I'm on the right way?"

I looked back. "The rookie nine. The three teams which graduated this year. Once you have all reached the status of chuunin… Then I'll tell you."

"That could take years!"

At least three if I wasn't mistaken. Hopefully, this would be sufficient for him to learn loyalty, subtlety and patience.

"Then, I guess you better get to work."

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "You're the genius of your year, are you not? If anyone can get them to improve faster, it would be you."

I could see the cogs turning in his head. "I don't know the other teams."

I cackled. "Looks like you're going to need some help."

He made a face. "Who?"

"Contrary to what you may think, kiddo, you're not all alone in the world. Maybe, start by opening your eyes."

He naturally looked at the only other person present. Kakashi — so laid-back that Gai would have wept at his cool attitude — raised two fingers in a V sign and said "Yo".

Ignoring my fondness for the dork, I flew to the windowsill and looked over my shoulder. "Oh, and by the way. Cage me ever again, and I'll rearrange your pretty face."

Itachi wouldn't need to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a Happy end to 2018 and a happy 2019!


	5. Chapter 5

“I always have to do everything!” I was grumbling, flying above the Forest of Death. It was the second part of the Chuunin Exam, and I was greatly displeased by the turn of events. Right now, everything was following the story I remembered from my previous life, despite my best efforts to change things.

I had tried to convince Kakashi not to let his kids participate to the exam, but he was adamant that this was the best time for them to realize what the exam entailed while they were safe (more or less) in Konoha. He had a point.

So then, I tried to convince Itachi he should drop by and scare Orochimaru a little to get him off his little brother’s back. He had been tempted, but he had received a mission from Pain and couldn’t leave.

I had gone to the Sandaime. Despite his displeasure at the mention of Orochimaru, he had refused to let any of his shinobi intervene. Konoha’s fairness couldn’t be called into question. I might have released an ugly caw at this decision, scaring a few ANBU into believing I was going to attack their precious Hokage. It had been tempting.

Really, I wasn’t helped! When you wanted something done...

Resigned to the idea I had to dive into that swarming pit, I pinpointed Sasuke’s position and carefully entered the death zone. The things I had to do for those kids…

Following Team Seven was easy. Avoiding the deadly fauna was annoying. Finding and intercepting Orochimaru before he attacked was… nerve-racking.

He noticed me immediately, of course, and the sharp eyes of his disguise observed me with interest. We knew each other. I stayed out of his range.

“Well, well, well. Itachi’s eyes. Watching over his little brother, are you? How cute.”

“I am,” I confirmed. No need to play coy. The goal was for him to understand that Sasuke was not to be touched (and of course I was cute!). “So, hands off, Orochimaru. Itachi would be annoyed if he had to go out of his way to skin you alive.”

If there was one man Orochimaru was wary of, it was Itachi, and I was banking on this to get what I wanted.

He cackled. Dear Kami, I hated his laugh. How stereotypically villain.

“Me?” He put a hand to his chest. “I have no idea what you mean, my dear.”

“Yeah, right,” I sighed. “Listen, let’s not waste each other time. Sasuke doesn’t even have the Sharingan yet. He’s of no interest to you.”

“But that’s the thing with the Sharingan, isn’t it? The amazing way it can activate… I can’t wait to see it...” Orochimaru licked his lips creepily, and I didn’t need to be a genius to guess that he wanted to attack Team Seven in the hope of triggering the Sharingan’s activation.  

I squinted.

Unfortunately, I had some experience with the creep. We had seen each other a few times before he defected from Akatsuki after attacking Itachi (the idiot). I knew that he had very little self-control. When he wanted something, he had to try to get it, even when he knew what a terrible idea it was (see ‘attacking Itachi’: I had warned him off, but did he listen? no…). If I tried to get him to back off completely, he wouldn’t listen, or at least not for long.

“Let’s make a deal,” I decided.

He stopped fantasizing, his creepy smirk fading, and tilted his head. “A deal? Interesting. I’m listening.”

“I let you attack Team Seven so you can trigger the Sharingan. Nothing more. No maiming. No sealing. No ‘anything with lasting consequences’.”

His eyes narrowed in interest. He tapped his lips with his index. “How generous of you… but, you know, a little seal can—”

“Don’t push your luck. That’s the deal. Take it, or leave it and get reduced to ashes by Itachi.”  

He agreed.

Surprisingly, he kept his word.

I kept an ear out during the battle but stayed far enough not to get swept by a giant snake. Normal snakes were fine, normal snakes could even been eaten (they weren’t to my taste, mind you, too chewy, but still, they could be useful when you’re ravenous —ah! see that pun, here?). Giant snakes were no fun at all, especially when they were as crazy as their summoner. Yeah, I had a few talks with Kyodaija. They were sassy little shits who showed off their pointy teeth too much (and if I tried to claw at them just as much, it was only fair payback).

I was glad I wasn’t hungry enough to try the food of this death trap, because I felt like I would have thrown up when I localized Team Seven’s camp and saw how bad Sakura looked.

It could be worse, I told myself. It would have definitely been worse if I hadn’t intervened and Orochimaru had sealed the boys, but still… I felt dirty for making such a deal. Those were kids. They had been beaten up by a grown-up while I hid, too ashamed and scared to witness it. This shinobi world and its disgusting priorities and lack of morals were getting at me.

I left a bit before dawn. There was a way I could help, that I could make up for my failings.

Team Ten’s camp wasn’t far. The Nara kid was on watch while the others slept. Good. I appeared in his field of vision, landing on the ground far enough that he wouldn’t feel threatened. His eyes focused on me and narrowed. The genius would know that I didn’t behave like a normal bird. I sauntered closer. A kunai appeared in his hand. Calm, lazy, watchful, ready... I liked this kid. Not enough to end up skewered, though. I halted.

“I mean no harm. I’m but a leaf among the trees.”

The kid paused at the traditional greeting for Konoha shinobi. It was no secret password, but it was a sign of peace.

“I’d like to offer a deal. Team Seven is in bad shape. They need protection, healing and food. Provide it and, in exchange, I can be your eyes through the forest.”

He stared at me, eyes narrowed in thought. “Who’s your summoner?”

“Uchiha.” Not a lie. Not my fault if he thought of the wrong one, right?

“Sasuke doesn’t ask for help.”

“Yeah. Well, I didn’t ask his opinion, considering he’s currently KO.”

He raised an eyebrow and hummed, stretching his fingers in an O. After making his mind, he woke up his team who was fully on board (especially the girl, eager to help her Sasuke-kun).

“They’re one kilometre to the south-west,” I told them. “Whistle the Little Leaf’s first notes if you need me.”

While Team 10 talked and negotiated with Sakura, I stayed in a tree with a good view on them but out of their hearing range to get a well-needed nap. I wasn’t expecting to sleep much, but I must have dozed off because I was woken by loud whistling. Startled awake, I shook myself and realized that Sasuke and Naruto were conscious. Shikamaru was standing in the middle of the clearing with an annoyed expression. Oops, I must have missed a few previous calls.

I glided to him, landing at his feet.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbled.

“I need sleep as much as you, buddy. More so when you consider the summoner I have to deal with.”

Shikamaru tilted his head and made a face that conveyed “Fair enough.” He walked back to the other genin. I followed.

Sasuke and Naruto both looked horrible, but Sasuke more so (no Kyuubi to help would do that). The kid stared at me without expression. Creepy. Still, he was supposed to be my summoner so I stopped at his feet and tilted my head from one side to another to observe him. When he failed to react to my presence, I poked his toe. “Waky, waky, Sasuky.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“Oh, he’s alive. No zombie. All good then.” I moved on to Shikamaru. “What did ya want?”

“We’ll need to move soon. Recon of the surroundings would be useful.”

“I bet it would.” I nodded in agreement.

He stared at me and then sighed. “Uchiha. Can you…” he gestured toward me in a way that could convey either ‘make this thing cooperate’ or ‘rid me of this troublesome hag’.

Sasuke didn’t react. Great. He was broken. I had broken Itachi’s little brother slash Kakashi’s student. Oh, this would go well.

“Sasuke-kun?” Sakura asked, trying to wake him up.

When it failed, you could count on Naruto to punch Sasuke in the shoulder and bellow: “Hey! Tell your bird to do what Shika says.”

Sasuke blinked, glared at Naruto and then glanced at me and gestured. That one could be interpreted from “whatever” to “scram”.

I sighed. “Someone owes me so many almonds after this.” I left to obey the Lords of Vague and Potentially Rude Hand Gestures.

When I came back half an hour later, I calculated my trajectory very carefully. I’m proud to say that I landed perfectly and with very little jostling on my pillow, the very comfortable Duck Butt. His hair was so thick and luscious! Amazing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t appreciate it for long. I was grabbed with two hands and had to settle for his Royal Bitchiness’ lap instead.

“I’ll throttle you,” he threatened in a hushed and hissing voice. He was sitting a little away from the rest of the group, like the loner he was.

“I do not think so, dear non-summoner of mine,” I replied carelessly. “How are the eyes?”

“You know?”

“Darling, you can call me the Omniscient Crow, or… oooh, Third-Eye Crow, that sounds cool.”

“How can Itachi deal with you?”

“A lot of relaxation techniques, and selective hearing. You should try the first one. Pretty sure the second one is genetic. Speaking of genetic, Sharingan: traumatic activation. Uncool or totally not cool?”

“I’m fine,” he replied curtly.

“Ah. Denial. Genetic too,” I commented with a knowing nod.

“What’s with you helping and pretending to be mine?” he asked with a scowl instead of talking about his feelings.

“Trying to save your neck, I guess. I thought you might be more useful alive than dead, who knows?”

“Do you take anything seriously?!”

“I try not to. It’s weird to feel sad as a crow. You can’t cry or anything. I don’t like it,” I replied, very honestly.

He made a funny face before shaking his head. “I don’t need your help.”

“...I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” I replied while staring at him from head to toes. He looked like… well, like he just had his ass handed to him by a homicidal Sannin. “Now, what did you say to your teammates to explain why I suddenly showed up?”

He scowled. “I said that I summoned you before the exam and sent you to the tower.”

I nodded approvingly. “That works. And about why you never told them about me?”

“... None of their business.”

With a deadpan expression, I drawled: “Wow. The teamwork feels. Amazing. I’m amazed. Oh, and what about that time you put me in a minuscule cage —I still hate you about that, by the way, don’t think I don’t, you owe me lots of food— and then Kakashi said it was family issues?”

“None of their business.”

“Damn, what a broody loner. And the blond didn’t throttle you?”

“He tried.”

I sighed and raised my face to the sky in a prayer for patience.

“This is your fault! What was I supposed to say?” he hissed.

“You say that I’m a family summon and that you only use it when you absolutely have to. Obviously, I have standards, and you don’t meet them, which is why you tried to subjugate me inappropriately and Kakashi had to intervene before you caused a diplomatic incident. You tried to do better since, but we still have relationship issues we’re working on,” I said solemnly. I couldn’t believe I was coaching him on lies, me, an honest crow! Apparently, he couldn’t believe it either, because he stared sceptically. “It’s clan business, so Pinky and Cloudy will back off. Blondie might not, but he isn’t smart enough to figure out there’s something fishy going on.”

“Cloudy?”

“The Nara kid. Keep up.” I rolled my eyes and noticed movement. “Speaking of the genius…” Shikamaru seemed to have decided we had enough whispering time. The boy was wary of me. “Just remember, kiddo, I’m not telling you anything until you’re _all_ chuunin.”

“I remember,” he growled, “but there is no way we’re all becoming chuunin this year.”

“On that, you’re right, but it never hurts to start early, does it? I might be convinced to give you a clue if you reach half-way point… Maybe. Depends on your attitude and how far you keep me from cages.”

“Sasuke,” Shikamaru called, getting impatient.

We went to meet them, and Sasuke managed to cooperate willy-nilly.

The next day, I got them to the tower and left them as they stepped in.

I flew to one of the higher floors, looking for an open window to get in. While I managed it, I found myself in a room with a closed door. I didn’t have enough chakra to change into human shape for long. I swore and decided I had too little sleep to deal with this setback. I perched on a shelf and took a nap (I had slept so little these last days, it was so stressful to raise kids!).

I was woken up sometime later by someone opening the door. As they went to a bookshelf, I glided out of the room behind their back. Now, to find the boyfriend in this damn maze. Forced to walk around, I kept an ear out.

“Your team came in with Kakashi’s?” a woman was saying in an adjacent hallway.

“They made a deal, apparently,” a man answered in a lazy drawl.

“I wouldn’t have expected it from them, with the Uchiha and… aren’t the two girls rivals?”

“There were ‘special circumstances’, apparently. That’s what I want to talk about with Kakashi. Is he here?”

“Yes, I saw him with the Hokage.”

I sped up at the mention of Kakashi. Turning a corner, I caught sight of two jounin stepping in a room, but the door closed behind them before I could reach it. Damn bloody doors! I hesitated, looked around at the empty hallway and sighed. I hated to do this. I knocked with my beak. No answer. I knocked again, louder. Still no answer. Was I supposed to hurt myself to get a doorman around here?! Such poor service.

There was no other option.

I cawed _loudly_ (‘trying to raise the dead’ loud).

The door opened, at last. Without surprise, I was met with my boyfriend’s droopy eye.

“Finally,” I grumbled. “Carry me. I’m tired of watching your human world from the ground. Does no-one clean up around here?”

“Maa. Good afternoon to you too, Tsukiyo-chan,” he greeted me while bending to my will, crouching to offer me his hand on which I hopped on before walking to his shoulder.

“Urgh, shut up. Don’t be cheery with me. You owe me so much, damn it. I had to eat insects. I hate insects, but the damn berries in this forest are all poisonous for the little I know.”

Trail mix appeared in his palm which he raised to my level. I accepted my payment without hesitation and shut up to get my fill.

“That’s the crow Shikamaru talked about.”

As it turned out, the two jounin who had come in before me were Sarutobi Asuma and Yuuhi Kurenai. The sensei of Shikamaru’s team was squinting at me.

“Since when did Sasuke sign his brother’s summoning scroll?”

I looked around the room to realize that the Hokage was here too, sitting on a cushion and calmly smoking his pipe (tsk).

When no-one answered his question, Asuma glared at Kakashi. “You’re hiding something.” Still no reply. He straightened from his slouch and glared toward his father too. “Am I supposed to believe that Uchiha Sasuke had the chakra to summon a clearly high-level summon—”

“Thanks,” I quipped. It was good to be recognized for who I was. A lot of chakra was indeed required to summon me. It was the sass. It was worth its weight in chakra.

“—give it enough chakra to stay for days, fight a Sannin afterwards, and activating his Sharingan?!”

Still no answer. The poor man was starting to turn red, probably because his father was smoking like he couldn’t hear him. Damn, that was cold. I felt for him.

Kakashi offered me a new handful of trail mix. I paused and whispered: “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “It’s not my field.”

“Oh. Ooooh. You’re waiting for me to answer?! Couldn’t you say that from the start? Damn you, shinobi. I don’t do secrets. Especially not with only an hour of sleep. Yeah, so whatever, pretty beard, Sasuke isn’t my summoner. Thankfully. Can you imagine? All this brooding! It’s catching. It would make me sad. I don’t do sad.”

“You’re Uchiha Itachi’s,” Asuma concluded.

“I’d give you an award, but considering the only other option… is no longer an option, it’s really not an impressive deduction.” Damn it. Let’s not think of Trouble Twin Number one. No thinking, no thinking, no… too late. Now I wanted to cry but couldn’t. This was the worst.

Asuma raised a finger and waved it toward me as he enunciated each word of an exasperated question: “What the hell is going on here?”

I spread my wings. “Welcome into the Uchiha Itachi support committee. He’s not a traitor, yay!”  

“He didn’t kill his clan?” Kurenai asked. The youngest jounin had stayed quiet until now, watching thoughtfully.

I settled down. “Weeeell… Hokage-sama, that one is yours.”

Given no other choice, the Sandaime explained the whole dramatic story, to an unimpressed Asuma and shocked Kurenai. I let them vent and question for a while before stepping in.

“Not that it isn’t gratifying to see I’m not the only one thinking this is a stinky pool of poo, but could we get back to more immediate concerns? Like, Orochicreepy?”

“You dealt with him,” the Sandaime noted.

“Yeah, if you call allowing him to beat up twelve years old, ‘dealing with it’!” I ranted with a roll of my eyes.

“There are no lasting injuries, is there, Kakashi?”

“No, Hokage-sama.”

I paused at their nonchalance. I knew, on a deeper level, that I shouldn’t take their reaction at face value. I knew that they cared for those kids and that they dealt with a poor hand as best as they could. However, after the days I had spent stressed and worrying… This was too much.

“There is something really messed up with you, shinobi. I hope you know that.” At their silence, I flew to the window sill. “Open the window,” I demanded.

“Tsukiyo…” Kakashi said.

“I need air. Open the goddamn window before I fly at your face.”

At Kakashi’s nod, Kurenai, the closest one, opened the window and carefully got out of my way.

I flew for a good hour before I felt calm enough to settle on the tip of the tower’s roof.

That’s where Kakashi found me sometime later. He sat beside me without a word and offered a handful of trail mix. A peace offering. I hopped on his thigh for an easier reach. While I ate, he petted my head. I was weak to petting. He knew me well.

“They will be fine,” he murmured.

“Who are you trying to convince? You or me?” I asked between a walnut and raisins. “Because if it’s you, I’m recommending that you keep an eye on their sleep in the coming days. A reassuring presence might help your wish come true, who knows?”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Any other tip?”

“Yeah. Your boys will make it to the second round. You’ll want to train Sasuke, of course, but don’t be an ass and let a prejudiced stranger train Naruto. Jiraiya will be in town soon. Tell Naruto to find him near the bathhouse and convince him to train him instead. To convince the kid, just tell him the Sannin have tons of cool jutsu. Oh, and don’t forget to tell him and Sakura they did well, give them a pat on the head, make sure they’re eating and sleeping well. You might also want to give them a present as a reward for their good work, like paying for their food for once.” I tilted my head in thought. “I think that’s it.” I finished the food.

There was a moment of silence before Kakashi answered: “Noted. Can you change into human shape?”

“I don’t have much more chakra anymore. I’ll only have a few minutes as human.”

“Do you have anything else to do?”

“No.”

Kakashi brought me back inside, in an empty room.

I changed into a human and was immediately embraced and drawn into a kiss. I didn’t complain. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pressed closer.

The weather was hot, and I had transformed into a summer dress. Kakashi used this opportunity to lift me onto a table.

I pulled back from the kiss to breath and reminded him: “No time.”

“I missed you,” he admitted, nuzzling my neck.

I scratched his scalp gently. “Me too.” I caressed his cheek and then played with his rolled down mask. “Once the exam is over, we’ll have more time.” I kissed the tip of his nose. “Take care.”

With no more chakra to spare, I felt the call back to Ichouki. Forced to close my eyes by the jutsu, I stared listlessly at the sight which greeted me when I opened them in crow shape. After spending days in the shinobi world, I always felt so alien when I came back to the Karasu tree.

“Tsukiyo-chan! How was it?” a fledgeling called excitedly.

I breathed in and let the pain of separation dissipated.

I had to accept this: I was a Karasu, not human… not anymore.

 

oOo

 

Two weeks later, I was summoned by Itachi to join him in his monthly check-up.

Itachi was putting back on his cloak and hat, ready to leave the hotel room in which Tsunade had provided him with treatment. He offered me his wrist.

I stirred and shook myself awake. “Go ahead, I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

Itachi raised an eyebrow but left obediently.

Alone with Tsunade and Shizune, I ignored the first’s glare and the second’s curiosity. I stretched my wings and said bluntly: “Orochimaru will attack Konoha during the tournament of the Chuunin exam, in two weeks.”

Shizune’s eyes widened. Tsunade didn’t react outwardly, focusing on tidying up her scrolls of medicine. She was good at pretending she didn’t care.

“The Sandaime will be killed.”

Tsunade froze. If asked, she would probably say it was due to her apprentice gasping. It wasn’t. Her fingers trembled imperceptibly. She looked up and glared at me. “And how can you know that?”

“Secret.”

“Am I supposed to rush back to Konoha based on your ‘prediction’?” she asked derisively.

“Oh, I’m not telling you for that. Considering your phobia, your presence won’t change much. At best, you’d froze as soon as the Sandaime bleeds. At worst, you’d be a liability for him. No. I just thought you might want to send him a letter… you know… last chance to tell him everything you want… I think I would like that, if our positions were reversed.” I shrugged and flew from the coat rack to the windowsill. “I think _he_ would like that. I warned him, and he looked like he put things in order in his life, but he had this look… I know his son didn’t get it when he invited him for tea—”

“You told the old man he would die?!” Tsunade asked, rising on her knees.  

“Oh, yeah. We thought about alternatives, of course, but he didn’t seem convinced by any of them. No, I think his time has come, and he agrees.” For the first time, Tsunade’s intense look got at me, and I fidgeted. “So… I just thought you should know. Yeah… I’m going now. If you could open the window, Shizune-chan, please?”

Shizune probably only did so by long ingrained politeness since she still seemed in shock.

I hopped to the edge and glanced over my shoulder. They were still staring at me. It was getting creepy. Time to flee. “See you soon, I guess.”

I had planned on calling Tsunade ‘Godaime’ when I had thought about this conversation, but there was something in her eye that stopped my usual shamelessness.

I hurried to catch up with Itachi in the outskirts of the small town.

Although he offered me his wrist without comment, he stared at me.

“What?”

“Did you anger Tsunade-sama again?”

“You make it sound like I’m doing it on purpose. It’s not my fault if she’s grumpy.”

He shook his head disapprovingly but headed for the nearby village where Kisame was waiting for him. “You should go to Konoha,” he said after a few minutes of silence.

“Why?”

“The invasion.”

I had told him of Orochimaru’s plans, of course, but he had appeared unconcerned about it. I had an inkling that it was bothering him more than he let on.

“And what I’m supposed to do? Help with my little wings?”

“You know his plans.”

“The basics, and I already told everything to the Hokage. There is nothing more I can do.”

“Don’t you want to help Kakashi?”

“Please, as if he needs my help. I’d just be in his way. And stop beating around the bush. I can’t help Sasuke either.” I sighed. “They have to do this on their own. You need me more than they do.”

“Do I?”

“Boy, I know you. You’re worrying.”

“I’m not.”

“You passed by the meeting point agreed with Kisame.”

Itachi froze and turned to see that he had indeed missed the fallen tree trunk. “Kisame isn’t here. I just wanted a stroll.”

I stared at him, judgmentally. “You’re making excuses. You don’t make excuses. You let people stew in silence until they think they’re the one mistaken.”

He met my eyes, which was a funny sight, no doubt, with me on his shoulder. “Fine,” he finally admitted. “I’m worried. You say that the Ichibi is involved. He’s notoriously unstable.”

“Don’t worry about that, the Uzumaki kid will deal with it. You know what you need? A hug. Here, give me a sec.” I flew to the ground and changed into human shape. With two arms to do my bidding, I hopped toward Itachi to hug the hell out of him. Proof of his worry: he didn’t try to escape me. I embraced him, going on tiptoe to be able to stroke his hair at the same time. He stayed passive but tilted his head so he could press it against my neck.

“Sasuke will be fine. I promise,” I murmured. “Konoha will be in bad shape, but they’ll get better. They’re strong. Orochimaru and a tailed beasty aren’t enough to beat them, okay?”

He nodded lightly.

I patted his back and cooed. “That’s a good boy.”

Which is when he freed himself from my embrace. Fair enough.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Blue!” I sprinted and jumped on Kisame, who stayed unmoving, arms spread in an effort not to touch me, and let me dangled from his neck (he was as tall as a tree, I loved it! I just had to bend my legs and I could play monkey, how cool!). “Wow, strong,” I commented when he didn’t look at all bothered by the extra weight. “How ya doing, Shark Man? Any food for me?”

He stared down at me and then looked up at Itachi. “Did your treatment go well?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Bluuue,” I whined. “Stop ignoring me. Feed me!”

“May I feed _on_ her?” Kisame asked Itachi.

“I still need her.”

“Too bad.” Kisame grabbed me by the waist and lifted me over his shoulder without effort. “Let’s go.”

“Hey! You two are being so rude! Don’t ignore me!” I bend to wrap around his shoulders but that didn’t seem to bother him either. “Itachi, I’m really hungry!”

My surly summoner threw a small bag of trail mix at my head, but I was unable to catch it in my position and Kisame managed to grab it… and keep it out of my reach. I stretched and waved my hand in an attempt to get it back.

“It’s mine! Give it here, you meanie!”

Unfortunately, Kisame was a sadist, who delighted in annoying me. I had to resort to trying to choke him, but it just amused him. He had thick skin, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a masochist too.

“Kisaaaame,” I growled, without much more amusement left. Hunger could make me mean too.

“Ask nicely.”

“You never cared about me being polite. What do you want?”

“A kiss.”

“Geez, couldn’t you say that earlier?”

I wiggled to get out of his grip. He let me down. As I landed in front of him, I grabbed fistfuls of his coat and pulled him down to give him a damn kiss. Whatever, pressing lips to lips was no big deal. Now, when it was with Kakashi, I understood the appeal...

With him surprised and distracted, I could grab my food freely. I opened the bag and immediately hid it in my kimono, where I could access it and keep it safe at the same time.

Eating happily, I jogged to catch up to Itachi, who had gone ahead during my squabbling with Kisame.

“Hey, wait!” Fish Face called.

I turned around with a frown, wary of any grab for my food. “What?”

“Is he alright?” Kisame asked with a tilt of his chin toward Itachi.

“Why?”

“It’s not often he lets anyone touch him.”

I softened. Aww, Blue was worried for his partner! Cute. Still a food thief, though. “Is anyone alright in this world?”

“You don’t like shinobi much, do you?”

“You’re all more trouble than you’re worth.”

He stepped closer and leaned down. “Are we?”

I lifted a finger and pushed him back with pressure on his nose. “Yes, but apparently I like trouble… subconsciously, very deep subconscious. Itachi will be fine by the way, he just needs something to get him out of his funk and then a trip to Konoha, maybe. He will be good. Riiiight, Itachi?” Oh, he had disappeared behind a turn of the path. “Itachiiiiiiiii, wait!” I lifted the bottom of my kimono and ran. Damn it, I needed wings, but I couldn’t carry the trail mix and eat if I had wings! Choosing between bird and human forms was so difficult sometimes.

“That’s… That’s not how you wear a kimono, Birdbrain!” Kisame shouted after me.

“Who cares? Not me!”


	6. Chapter 6

 Konoha looked like cheese, the best kind with holes, but also the worst kind with moldy bits: a bit of both.

I flew over the city, cataloguing the damage caused by the Oto-Suna invasion. Two weeks after the fight, the most critical issues had been dealt with, but the violence of the confrontation was still noticeable. The worst losses weren’t material however. 

Most of the people I could see from so high were wearing black. 

Contrary to many of the cities I had seen, following Itachi around, Konoha had always seemed lively and welcoming. Right now, it was a sad sight, and I irrationally felt bad for not doing more to avoid it, although I knew I couldn’t have done much.

Once my overview was done, I flew down, closer to the roofs, looking for my boyfriend with both sight and chakra sense. When I finally noticed his familiar chakra, I groaned mentally. I had naively thought that Itachi and Kisame’s intrusion in Konoha would be undisturbed, that Kakashi would know better than following them even if he noticed them. I had apparently given him too much credit, or fate was damn stubborn. 

The Akatsuki pair was facing Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai on the middle of a lake in the outskirts of Konoha. This looked like the beginning of a western shinobi style. 

I circled them, getting everyone’s attention, before flying down as Itachi raised an elegant hand for me.

“Can’t I leave you a few minutes without you getting in trouble, now?” I grumbled. I didn’t wait for an answer which wouldn’t come. “The kid isn’t here. They’re a few hours out of town, toward the South.” I hadn’t really seen Naruto, but they didn’t need to know that. I just knew where they were going —the next appointment with Tsunade was due in a few days, in a small town in the South. The kid was also easy to pinpoint with chakra sense. He was on the edge of my chakra field.

Itachi nodded in understanding. “Let’s go.”

“We’re not fighting?” Kisame asked, disappointed, as he held his greedy sword.

“That’d be a waste of time. Tsukiyo, cover us.”

I groaned in distaste, but I had been expecting the order. We had to give the change, at least for Kisame. “This will deplete my chakra,” I whined. “You better summon me back once you find the kid.”

Itachi grunted in understanding and propelled me up. I flew high before channeling my chakra into a cloning jutsu, using so much chakra that a thousand clones joined me as I nosedived toward the Konoha jounin. Of course, I stayed at the end of the group and flew to the side as soon as I could afford it without being noticed. 

It was quite fun seeing the jounin trying to dodge _me_ while cursing and hitting blindly the quick projectiles hammering them or the surface of the water on which they were standing (with difficulty thanks to yours truly). When I got the memories of my defunct clones, I snickered at the faces a few of them had seen. Asuma had dropped his cigarette with an ugly scowl. Kurenai red eyes became really freaky when they widened. As for, Kakashi… he apparently prefered taking a swim rather than being pummeled by his girlfriend’s clones. 

I landed on a pole of the fence surrounding a part of the lake and observed that Itachi and Kisame had successfully disappeared.

“That was mean, Tsukiyo-chan.” 

Watching my soaked boyfriend get out of the lake, his friends walking toward us with wet feet and tousled hair and clothes, I cackled in glee. 

“How did you think this would end, Kakashi?” I replied, shaking my wings to relax them after such an exhausting flight. I had very little chakra left. A few minutes to spare, at most. “Why did you confront them? They would have left without causing a scene.”

He bent down with his hands on his knees to be at my eye-level. “I wasn’t going to, but I couldn’t help to eavesdrop, and I heard a funny thing.”

“That Kisame likes origami? Yeah, I know. Weird, but he does a great shark. His crow could use some work, though.”

“He also apparently likes begging for your kisses so much that Itachi warned him off.”

“Aww, Itachi did? Cute, but it only happened once.” 

With a hangdog expression, Kakashi whined in a whisper: “You kissed him?!” 

I rolled my eyes. “Our lips pressed against each other. Whatever. Food is worth more to me than human social taboos. Hey, Sarutobi-san, Yuuhi-san, how is the water?!” I greeted the couple cheerfully as they reached hearing range. “Turbulent,” Asuma replied in a deadpan.

“You have a feather in your hair, Kurenai-san,” I informed her helpfully.

The woman removed the black feather with an unimpressed look. “Was this really necessary?”

“We have to make it believable for Itachi’s partner in Akatsuki,” Kakashi replied calmly, as if he hadn’t ended up soaked due to jealousy.

“Speaking about that, I have to make sure they don’t scare your kiddo too bad. See ya.”

“My ki— Wait! They’re after Naruto?”

I saluted. “Chakra, over.”

 

o

 

It was no big surprise when I was summoned by Itachi a few hours later to find myself face to Kakashi’s unimpressed face.

“You’re after Naruto. Couldn’t you have started with that?” he accused.

“Hullo. Who here was distracted by unimportant lips contact?” 

Itachi had summoned me on a table (he knew my distaste for ground level, the floor was for crawlers or humans, not birds). We were in what looked like the empty backroom of a shop, and Itachi had lowered his hat so that Kakashi couldn’t see his face (so, he wasn’t in the mood for social contact, was he annoyed by human taboos too?).

“Where is Blue?” I asked, looking around.

“Chasing our target.”

Kakashi and I turned horrified faces toward Itachi. 

“You let him go after the kid alone?!”

“I had to distract Jiraiya-sama, and then I was distracted by _your boyfriend_ ,” he commented pointedly. Oh, so _that_ was what he was annoyed about.

“Hey, don’t get sassy. I’m the one putting up with your messy human lives with sass and class, not the other way around! Now, let’s hurry up, guys, before SharkMan gets ahead of himself.”

“You’re the one in a cross-species relationship,” Itachi grumbled (grumbled! Itachi-perfect-Uchiha was grumbling!). He turned toward the back door nonetheless and opened it for me so that I could lead the way.

“Our friendship is a cross-species relationship, darling, what’s your point?” I told him before ascending over the roofs.

Fifteen minutes, a traumatized kid and a pissed off sannin later, Itachi and I continued our debate.

“I’m just saying that if we can communicate and understand each other’s culture, the physical differences are really just secondary,” I was explaining while balancing on his shoulder (a bit difficult when he was running away from the aforementioned sannin). 

“For a friendship, certainly, but for a _physical_ relationship I do believe it’s becoming a primary concern.”

“Sure, but I can change my physical aspect whenever I want, so I don’t see the issue.”

Itachi stopped on a high branch when it became obvious that Jiraiya had prefered to stay with Naruto rather than pursue. Kisame was still far enough ahead of us that he couldn’t hear us whispering.

“Any change you can apply is temporary, Tsukiyo. I’m concerned that this could affect your health.”

I squinted a him. “You’re talking about pregnancy.” There weren’t a lot of ways my health could be affected by a physical relationship (let’s not start discussing STI). 

He tilted his head in admission. 

“You know, when I thought about having this conversation with you, it was the other way around, with me explaining the flowers and the bees. It’s weird. I don’t like this reversal.” 

“ _I_ don’t need this conversation.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay, by the way, if you’re not interested in sex. Whether it’s ‘not right now’ because your life is a mess or ‘not at all’ because that’s not your thing, that’s fine. Just get rid of whoever tells you otherwise… like Hidan. I know the asshole teased you about it, I can help you spread his ashes all over the world if the mood strikes you...”

Itachi raised an eyebrow, sign that he was deeply touched by my suggestion (anyone would like the idea to make Hidan disappear). “I appreciate the thought, but we were talking about you.”

“Ah, yes, me. Don’t ya worry about me, Trouble. Pregnancy won’t be an issue. Now, see ya in two days for your check up. Don’t be late, Tsunade will have plenty in her plate soon enough.” I jumped from his shoulder, gliding over the path leading back to town. 

Kakashi was waiting for me on a fallen tree. I landed next to his feet and stretched my chakra sense to make sure we were alone. Once I was sure of it, I turned into human shape and stretched my arms before sitting next to him. 

“How is the kid? Traumatized, yet?”

“He’s fine.”

He sounded a little embarrassed. I raised a questioning eyebrow.

Kakashi rubbed his nose, playing with the edge of his mask as he admitted: “He was happy that I ran from Konoha to defend him. He even sounded a bit surprised, under the boasting that he’d have been fine.”

I sighed, shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. “Give the damn kid more hugs for Kami’s sake. Poor thing is love starved.”

“I think he’d find that weird.”

“That’s because you’re a weirdo. You know what? Your girlfriend should pop up one day and give him a spontaneous hug. He’d like that because _I_ ’m not weird.”

“... You are.”

“Am not.”

“You like me,” he pointed out.

“...Yeah, you’re right, that’s weird. I _am_ weird by association, I guess…” I nodded slowly, considering the level of weirdness that might have rub off on me. 

“What about you?”

“Mh?”

“Itachi. What did he say?”

“Oh, he’s worried you’ll get me pregnant.”

Kakashi choked on his saliva. I raised a mocking eyebrow at him, smirking fondly at that silly boyfriend of mine who could stay perfectly calm in battle or reading porn but got flustered as soon as it was a private matter. 

“Did you…”

“... tell him we never had a sex? No… It was implied.”

“Does that bother you?”

“What?”

“That we didn’t… Is that why you kissed Kisame?”

“Oh, Kami-sama, let it go with the kissing Blue thing. I forgot, all right?”

“You forgot?”

“I forgot that it was a big deal for humans when you kissed each other,” I admitted, pouting.

Kakashi’s eyebrows went up. “Really?”

“I don’t see what the big deal is about. Our lips touched, so what? It’s just skin contact. I only see the point if it’s you.”

“Maa, really?” I could _hear_ him grin.

“Oh, shut up.” I chose to ignore his self-satisfaction by staring at the trees surrounding us (that branch had a good view on the path, good perch material). 

 A warm hand slid on my back as he leaned forward. “Tsukiyo-chaan,” he sang-song. “Admit it.”

“Only if I don’t have to apologize for hurting your touchy human feelings in exchange,” I grumbled, pursing my lips in annoyance. I didn’t like apologizing. Someone as awesome as me didn’t make mistakes (much). 

“Deal.”

“Fine,” I huffed and turned to face him. “I love you, you annoying human.”

His eye was sparkling with pleasure and mischief. “How much?”

I groaned at his game, but it was still better than apologizing (especially to him, he’d make it as long and difficult as possible just to annoy me). I raised a hand horizontally and waved a hand just under. “Around as much as that compared to my undying loyalty to Trouble.”

“There is no higher possibility.”

“Clearly.”

“That’ll do.” He slid closer and kissed me before I even noticed he had pulled down his mask. “You’re forgiven, silly crow.”

I stuck my tongue out at him but relaxed at the easy acceptance. I rested my arms around his neck and kissed him back. Pressing lips together. What an human concept. If it was his though, I could see the appeal. “I don’t care about sex, by the way. For crows, sex is for breeding, and do you see me having babies?” I gestured at myself with a disdainful expression. “I think not. Kids are just trouble, and I have enough of that.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Kakashi admitted with a mock-serious expression. His forehead came to rest against mine, and he hummed thoughtfully. “So… you’re not interested in sex?”

“I’m interested in _you_ , so I’m not if you aren’t.”

“It’s not that I’m not—”

I interrupted him with a hand on his cheek and a kiss on his nose. “I know. Human taboos and hang-ups and all that… It doesn’t matter, Kakashi. I’m content with our cuddles and those things we do which aren’t breeding-sex.”

Kakashi snorted at the description of oral sex.

I tilted my head with a cheeky grin. “Happy?”

“Much.” He lifted me onto his lap and nuzzled my temple. “How much time do you have?”

“A short hour.”

“Good.” 

 

oOo

 

Two days later, I was on the windowsill of an hotel room, staring at the road like a good sentry. It didn’t escape Tsunade’s notice. While she let Shizune do the primary check-up, the Sannin frowned at me.

“Why the lookout, Goose?”

“You’re about to get company, I’m checking they aren’t early.”

“From Konoha?”

“Among others. Congrats on your skyrocketing popularity, despite its origins. It’s definitely not deserved considering the quality of your reception.”

Tsunade huffed in annoyance. I knew she had read the official news about the Sandaime’s death and the attack on Konoha. I wondered if she had followed my advice and wrote to him, but of course she’d never tell me if she had. 

Our relationship was as snarky as ever. Since Tsunade had learned about my true form, she went out of her way to find appropriate nicknames in a blatant competition against Kisame (which they both didn’t know about, but I was keeping points, Kisame was still on the lead).

“They can all get lost.”

“I’m sure they can, and I’m sure you’ll tell them so, but when you go back to Konoha can you do me a favor and plant almond trees?”

“I’m _never_ going back!”

“Right, right. Want to bet on that? Let’s say, twenty almond trees.”

“You’re on, Crow Pie!” 

Oh, that one was new. Kisame might lose his advantage. 

The medical check-up had become routine, and we left less than an hour later with Tsunade giving us a meeting place for the next treatment deliberately far from Konoha. It took great efforts not to reply with a snarky challenge. See that awesome self-control I had?

Two more days later, I was resting on Itachi’s shoulder, admiring the showdown between Sannins a few kilometers away. He was standing on a tree branch, offering me some of his onigiri from time to time as frogs and snakes flattened some poor trees in the background. Deforestation in this world was a serious problem. 

“Looks like they calmed down,” I commented after a bite of rice. “Are we going?”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, trust me, they’re going to flee…”

“That part is a given,” Itachi agreed. “But killing them now?”

“It’s better on the long run. I promise you he’ll go after your brother if you don’t. You know how obsessed he’s after the Sharingan, and obviously he can’t get it from you or Kakashi. As for his assistant, he’s corrupted beyond repair and will just follow Orochimaru’s way.”

Itachi closed his eyes before nodding in acceptance. “Very well. Lead on.”

Focusing on my chakra sense, I pinpointed Orochimaru and Kabuto when they fled the battlefield and extrapolated their path from there. We waited for a short while before finding the perfect clearing to step in. 

I waited for them first, standing tall and unmoving on the other side of the clearing when they came out of the forest. They froze at the sight of me. Orochimaru was resting heavily on Kabuto’s shoulder. 

“Itachi-kun,” Orochimaru hissed. “I wasn’t expecting you here.”

I stepped forward slowly and raised two fingers in a hand seal often used to activate jutsu.

They slid into defensive position, focused on my fingers rather than my eyes. Ha! Classic. 

“I have no quarrel with you, Itachi-kun. As your summon as no doubt told you, I left your brother more or less—” Orochimaru’s yellow eyes widened when he realized he had been tricked. Not soon enough.

The whisper came from behind them. “Amaterasu.”

And their bodies burst into black flames, reducing them into ashes in a matter of seconds.

I focused my chakra sense to the max, to make sure that there had been no subterfuge, no swap to escape death from those who had been so determined to avoid it. Nothing. Itachi and I were alone. Orochimaru and Kabuto, exhausted by their fight against the two other Sannins had succumbed to a little trick and an inescapable jutsu. 

Satisfied by this certitude, I walked to Itachi’s side, foregoing my copycat act by balancing my arms and sauntering cheerfully. As I reached him after going around the pile of ashes, I offered an open palm with a wide grin. 

Itachi looked up from the black spot indicating the two human beings and dozens of little insects sacrificed to the flames of hell before Itachi got it extinguished. The scorched ground was still smoking. 

I waited patiently.

He caved first. With a sigh, he touched his palm to mine in a poor attempt at a high-five. Nevermind the lack of enthusiasm, I was proud of him for showing team spirit!

“I like this tactic! We should do it again!” I spun around, comparing the Akatsuki outfit’s aerodynamics to my usual kimono. “How do I look?”

“Like me,” he replied, deadpan.

“Yeah! I like it!”

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to take that.”

“Like a compliment, duh.” I rested my forearms on his shoulder and my chin on my forearms. “Oooh, we could pretend to be Twins! The Genius Twins! We could prank Akatsuki! That’d be fun! Do you think they’d fall for it?”

Itachi looked at the way I hold myself in a silent reply.

“Not like I’m now, obviously, but I can behave like you! I fooled Orochimaru, didn’t I?”

Itachi tilted his head in concession. “Your ability to imitate me was a surprise.”

I patted his chest. “I have watched you like a crow for years, my dear.”

“That sounds creepy,” Itachi commented before rolling his eyes. “Kisame wouldn’t fall for it. Neither would Sasori.”

“True, but Deidara would, oooh and _Hidan_!” I beamed at the thought.

Itachi turned around and walked away. 

I sauntered after him. “You know you want to prank him!” Annoyed by the restriction of the coat, I opened it, letting the fabric blow behind me like a cape (I looked cool like Itachi! Awesome!). “Come on, Itaaachiii, let me prank him! Please? I’ll be good! Pretty please with an almond on top?”

He stopped abruptly. I had to spin to avoid his back and come around face to face. He reached for my elbow to balance me but didn’t look away with this intense look (labelled in my Itachi to Tsukiyo dictionary: “I know what you’re doing”).

“You’re trying to distract me.”

“Yes! Is it working?” I agreed with a cheeky smile. Itachi could get depressed and moody after killing someone, even if they were psychopaths. I knew how to recognize the signs and help.

He glanced to the smoking spot we had left behind and came back to me with a soft look in his eyes. “Yes.”

“That’s because I’m the best,” I pointed out smugly, pushing a strand of hair back behind my shoulder. 

He made a pained expression. “Please change back to your own body.”

“Why? I like yours.”

“It’s like watching myself in a horror mirror.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t wish to know what I’d look like with your expressions.”

I pouted before replying. He lifted a hand and pressed it to my mouth.

“Like _that_. Don’t do that.”

I tried to pout with my eyes. He closed his. 

“You can prank Hidan if you change to your own body right now.”

After immediately changing my Henge no Jutsu from Itachi’s body to my usual human form, I raised my arms to the sky. “Yes! I’m going to humiliate Zombie Number One! Awesome! Ok, ok, I need to strategize.” 

Clapping my hands in delight, I closed my eyes to think. Of course, Itachi walked away, but with my chakra sense I followed him without needing to watch where I was going, just by walking behind him I could avoid any obstacles. 

“Hey, hey, Itachi, will you help?”

“This is _your_ prank.”

“Yeah, but I want to make him pay for that comment he made about you. It needs to be good. It needs to be perfect! If you don’t help me I’m gonna ask Kisame… It’s gotta be the best vengeance —I mean prank, but no not really— ever.”

“I’m not helping.”

“That’s fine, that’s fine, I’ll just find someone else to help…”

“... Sasori-san is still upset about the comment on his ‘dolls’, and he might be willing to help if you tell him Orochimaru’s dead.”

“Perfect!” I shouted in delight, opening my eyes. The next second, I tripped over a root. Itachi caught me just before my face met the ground. 

He sighed, exasperated. “Tsukiyo-chan, if you’re going to be like this you might just stay on my shoulder.”

Reverting to bird shape, I let him settle me on my favorite perch ever and rub my face against his cheek. “I’m going to make him pay, Trouble.”

His lips stretched slightly, and his hand came to stroke her neck. “I know you will.”

Tsukiyo would have cooed if she could.

 

 oOo

 

“So. Twenty almond trees. I was thinking, two in the park behind the Academy, two—”

I dodged the heavy file thrown at the table where I was perched and flew back to the window where I had come from. 

“Oooh, Godaime-sama is in a bad mood,” I mocked. “What’s wrong? Not enough sake?”

“You!” Tsunade pointed at me with a deep scowl. “What’s wrong is you, old hen!”

“Hey, watch it, you’re the antiquity in this room.”

“How! How do you always know everything?!”

“I’m just that good. It’s a gift. And you’re just that bad at gambling, I don’t see why you’re surprised, betting against someone else is like you begging to be proven wrong…” I tilted my head in thought. “Wait… Is that it? You were actually waiting for an excuse to come ba—” I dodged a scroll by pressing myself to the windowsill. It went flying from the top of the tower. “Geez. Was that a classified document? Do you play fetch with your ANBU or what?”

She waved in dismissal. “It’s just a summons.”

I looked at the ground when I heard a shout of protest. “In that case, your aim is scarily accurate. What the hell. That poor courier is going to have a bump.”

“I’m just that good. It’s a gift. Now, get over here and tell me what you want. And if you say almond trees, I’m plucking you.”

“Hey, a bet is a bet, and I’m super serious about almonds.”

She glared. Damn. Ok, scary lady.

I went to perch on the back of a chair in front of her desk. “Fine, fine. Did you get the time to catch up on the Uchiha mystery?” I had voluntary waited a month for her to get situated as the new Hokage. 

“Yes,” she grumbled. Removing her heels from the corner of her desk, she stood up and went to close the window before activating a seal of privacy. “And it pissed me off. I’m tempted to rearrange Danzou’s face.” 

“Oooh, can I have a front row ticket? Pretty please?” I asked eagerly, bouncing up and down. 

She threw me an amused glance, and the corner of her lips itched upward. “I’ll consider it. So, that Akatsuki group, tell me about it.”

It took awhile to get Tsunade up to date. I had to stop several time to give her time to rant, from a: “Of fucking course the kid has S-class nukenin after him, of fucking curse,” to “Uchiha Madara?! What’s this, Jiraiya’s latest shitty plotline?”

I liked this woman.

She was pacing behind her desk with a disgruntled expression, and I couldn’t help but think: “I want to be just like her when I’m a human… well, without the gambling… and the drinking… and the angst… you know what? nevermind.”

“Oh, by the way, there is something else you should know.”

She threw me an annoyed glance. “What? The Moon Goddess reincarnated?”

“No. Not yet, at least, you have still a few years before that,” I mumbled to myself before shaking my head. “No, I just thought you should know Orochimaru is dead.”

She froze with her back to me and slowly turned around. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“How.”

“Burnt to ashes. Just after he attacked you and fled.”

“Itachi killed him.”

“Yep.”

Tsunade stood still for a moment before collapsing in her chair. She stared into space, expressionless.

“You’re sure?”

“Yep. But if you want to check, there’s an easy way.”

She slowly turned toward me and raised an eyebrow.

“His summons would know for sure. There’s still someone in Konoha with access to the snakes, right?”

Picking up a pen on her desk, Tsunade played with it. It broke between her fingers as she ordered to the void: “Bring me Mitarashi Anko.”

The next few minutes were tense. Tsunade was lost in her thoughts, and I wasn’t stupid enough to bother her. I flew to the ground to Tsunade’s right and changed into a human shape. I chose one different from the usual one I favor to go incognito. Standing in Konoha’s standard chuunin uniform, I had chosen blond hair matching Tsunade’s and a boring face easily forgotten. 

Tsunade threw me a glance but didn’t comment. When a knock sounded, she let go of the privacy seal long enough to let Anko in the room and reactivated it behind her. 

“You asked for me Hokage-sama?” Anko asked as she bowed.

“Yes. I need you to summon a snake. A cooperative one who’d answer some questions, if you have that in store.”

I held back a snort.

Anko frowned, curious, but cooperated. The blue snake was relatively small, for kyodaija that is. The Giant Snakes weren’t my favorite beasts, and I was glad to be far enough that this one— large like a cat and long like a pole— couldn’t reach me without going through Tsunade (she was my shield, no shame).

“This is Aodako,” Anko explained. “Aodako, Hokage-sama has questions for you.”

Aodako hissed and turned around from her summoner to the Hokage, bowing her head in greeting.

“Is Orochimaru dead?” Tsunade asked.

“What?” Anko shouted squeakily (there’s no other way to describe it, it was a really weird sound).

“I received information suggesting it. Is it true?” Tsunade stared the snake in the eye with a bravery I admired. I found their eyes creepy. 

“Information regarding summoners are protected by the contract,” Aodako replied.

“That protection doesn’t extend to the dead,” I piped up, crossing my arms. “Your loyalty to the living ones precedes secrecy about the dead ones. And your current summoner wishes to know.”

“Yeah,” Anko said, having recovered from the shock. “Yeah, I definitely want to know if the old creep is dead.” She lifted hopeful eyes toward Aodako. “Is he?”

The snake hesitated. She had been fixing me with a look since I had spoken. Her tongue darted in my direction, and I knew she was aware I was no human. Kyodaija were good at that little game. Tasting the air sometimes allowed them to rival with ninken. Aodako got distracted by Anko however. She seemed to be fond of her summoner because she relaxed and lowered herself to her level to answer:

“His name has faded from the contract.”

Dead. Totally dead. Called it! I discreetly pressed my hand into a fist of victory.

Tsunade closed her eyes and let go of a breath (of relief? grief? a bit of both, maybe).

Anko stayed frozen for a few seconds before she erupted into a cheer and jumped up and down with both fists raised. “Yes! Hell yes! Go roast in hell, you bitch!” 

Tsunade let her subaltern bask in her euphoria for a moment, considering her options while tapping her fingers on the desk (I watched those fingers intently, I knew they could broke that wood easily and I want to be able to dodge any splinters).

“What about his second? Kabuto? He signed the summoning contract too, correct?” Tsunade asked above the muttering of Anko.

“His name faded along with Orochimaru’s,” Aodako replied docilely. 

Tsunade nodded in satisfaction and straightened to put both elbows on the desk and crossed her fingers thoughtfully. “Good. Can you confirm that Anko is your only living summoner?”

“She is.”

“Excellent. Thank you for your cooperation. Anko… go celebrate.”

“Hell yeah! You can count on me!” The woman threw one more fist to the ceiling before sobering abruptly and leaning on the desk. “But who is it? Who got him?” Her weird eyes went up to me suspiciously.

“Nukenin,” Tsunade replied, stone-faced. “Our spies just got word.”

“Nukenin, uh? There aren’t many out there who could compete…”

“No,” Tsunade agreed, “but there are always bigger fishes. Dismissed.”

The tokubetsu jounin let it go at her superior’s order, and Aodako left in a cloud of smoke after a last glance at me. 

Once we were alone and under the privacy seal, Tsunade turned her chair toward me and stared. 

I smiled. “Can I get those almond trees now?”

She snorted. “Is that the only thing you have to say? The bounty of Orochimaru’s head’s worth millions of fucking almond trees, Birdy.”

“That seems a bit excessive. Monoculture isn’t a good thing in excess, you know, you have to diversify. Let’s see, mh… Hazel, walnut, cashew, raspberry, blackberry maybe—”

Tsunade snorted and then burst into laughter. 

Probably the nerves getting to her. I let it pass. 

“Doesn’t Itachi need it?” she asked after calming down.

“To do what? Give it to Akatsuki, your enemy? Buy millions of nail polish bottles? The only thing which could cost him anything is your treatment and, oh, look at that, you’re healing him free of charge. A comment about that, Ma’am  I’m-always-in-debts-and-I-pretend-to-be-an-asshole?”

Tsunade glared at me and turned back toward her desk and the paperwork waiting for him. “So I’m keeping the bounty as reimbursements of medical expenses.”

“Yeah, you do that,” I agreed. Understanding the dismissal, I walked toward the window and opened it. “But don’t forget my trees.”

Tsunade muttered curses about trees, but that sounded like sweet victory to my trained ears. She threw a kunai at the map of the world taking one wall of her office. “Tell the kid to show up here for his next check-up.”

“Chief. Yes, chief.” I saluted with two fingers and memorized the name of the small town where Shizune would wait for us. Since Tsunade couldn’t leave her post and Itachi couldn’t come to Konoha and stay undetected every month, Shizune had been saddled with this duty. 

I flew out of the tower and went to find my boyfriend. It took me an hour to be sure that he wasn’t in town. He must have been sent on a mission, like many high-level shinobi, to compensate for the weeks when Konoha had been weakened. I perched in a tree and pouted a bit. It wasn’t the first time, but I hated it when he wasn’t here when I came. It was difficult to see each other. Long distance relationships really sucked. I wanted to tell him about the prank on Hidan!

“Tsukiyo-san.”

I sighed in dejection.

“Are you ignoring me on purpose?”

“Yes.”

Sasuke climbed on the tree and perched on the branch next to mine with an exasperated expression. “You’re the one who stopped on the tree right next to my training spot.”

“I just wanted to see you flailing around like a duckling.”

He rolled his eyes and sat down with his legs dangling instead of crouching. Oh, he was in a chatty mood then. Will wonders never cease?

“Only one of my yearmates got promoted to chuunin,” he said.

Ah, of course. I had to admit, he was an annoying little duck, but he was a driven one.

“I expected as much.”

He clenched his jaw. “Next exam. We’ll pass.”

“All of you?”

“Yes.”

I huffed. I’d have smirked if this form had allowed me to. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’ll help them train!”

“Glad to hear it. But, darling… aren’t you missing one?”

He clenched his fist and cursed. “Damn it, baka…”

I cackled. The story hadn’t changed and Naruto had left with Jiraiya for three years, like in the story I remembered. Just like I planned, I had at least three years before I had to tell Sasuke the truth.

“You said you’d give me clues if half of us pass!”

I froze and then tilted my head. “I did say that,” I admitted reluctantly. Damn it. 

“In five months, half of us will be chuunin. You’ll tell me then.”

I sighed, threw my head back and stared at the clouds. “Urgh. Trouble kid number three, it pisses me off how you might manage to pull that one.”

He smirked.

Damn it.

Fucking Uchiha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, Orochimaru's death was anticlimactic. That was the point. Tsukiyo and this story doesn't play by the rules of the Naruto world. Long fights and far-fetched escapes? Not here. Let's be ninja and end this quickly and neatly when the enemy is weakened, shall we? (EDIT: I have been told that Orochimaru can come back to life through the cursed seal? to be honest, I didn't know, I gave up on the manga before that part, and so I'll gleefully ignore it because, urgh, that's disgusting). 
> 
> As for the sex conversations: I personally headcanon Itachi as somewhat asexual/demisexual/too-depressed-to-be-interested-in-sex, and Kakashi... well, that will be developped later.


End file.
